Yeah, I might have backed off, but not because I don’t want her, but because she needs more from me than sex and losing herself in pleasure right now. It’s a coping mechanism, one I’ve watched her try and use so many fucking times. It’s pained me to turn her down when really, she’s the only fucking thing I want despite all the reasons I shouldn’t. But I need to do right by her, she deserves me to do right by her.
Everything is a blur, the conversations I have with my coworkers pass me by, and the shot of whiskey I’m handed once we’re finally done for the night does little to help.
Before I know it, I’m pulling up in front of my house, craving the escape I know that I probably won’t get while I’m still worried about Kat, even if she is tucked up nicely in her bed.
The fact the lights are on in my place doesn’t register. I’m so used to having a housemate that even the sound of the TV that hits my ears when I step inside doesn’t make me question anything.
That is until I step into the living room and a woman’s loud cry fills the room.
“What the— Ryder,” I growl, as the woman on the screen continues to scream like a banshee as she takes the guy’s cock like a pro, which I guess she is seeing as she’s a fucking porn star. “Are you fucking serious?” I bark.
“What?” he asks innocently, pulling his hand from his pants. “I got bored.”
“Then fuck off back to the club and find a whore. Jesus. I do not want your spunk on my couch.”
“I didn’t even get off,” he argues as I glare down at his hand. “She barely did it for me.”
Pulling the refrigerator open, I grab a beer and knock the lid off, lifting the bottle to my lips and downing the entire thing in one.
“Care to share.”
I narrow my eyes on the hand he’s holding out for me.
“Go and wash that.”
“Dude, I didn’t jizz on my hand.”
“I don’t give a fuck. Wash it, or leave.”
He lowers his arm and walks to the sink. “You know, you’re a miserable fuck when you’re not getting laid. You should be thanking me for finding that on your shitty TV.”
“I don’t need porn, Ry,” I grunt, returning to the fridge for two beers this time.
“No, you’re right. You need a repeat with a little spitfire who sucks cock so well it should be illegal and makes you crazier than McCreeperson.”
Dropping onto the couch, I watch him as he takes to the opposite one and falls onto it, spreading his legs wide and getting comfortable as if he’s planning on staying the night.
“No, that’s not what—”
“Bro, you’re only lying to yourself.”
“I’m doing the right thing,” I argue, and not for the first time.
“Are you though? You seem to think that all she needs is a friend. But what if that’s not enough, Styx. You gonna stand by and watch as she finds what she needs elsewhere with some other motherfucker?”
“D wants me to look out for her, and I don’t want to betray him by—”
“Five years ago you fucked up,” he tells me bluntly. “But it was five fucking years ago, Styx, and she was a slutbag liar who played you both like a pro. That is not on you. He needs to get the fuck over it. You can’t spend the rest of your life trying to make up for one mistake and refusing yourself what you really want.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want. I’m not right for her and we all know it.”
“Do we?” he asks. “Because quite frankly, you’re both fucking miserable, so I’m not sure how much worse things can get. But if you’re going to be a pussy about it, just remember that you can’t complain when she makes use of someone else to scratch the itch you’re refusing to even try and find.”
7
KAT
“Rise and shine,” Diesel’s voice startles me and I grab the covers, pulling them over my head.