“So,” Mom says, drawing me back to her, “was that a certain Stygian Johnson I spied beyond the door?” Her eyes twinkle.
“Mom…”
“He came to see me, you know. Told me a story about a man who loves a young woman so much. But he’s worried, baby. He’s terrified you’ll wake up one day and realize you want more from life.”
“I love him, Mom.”
“I know, baby. I know. The two of you always did share something special. And I know it isn’t conventional but this life isn’t conventional, Katrina. Club life is hard and messy and unpredictable but you’ll never find a family who will love you more.”
The tears start again. It feels like goodbye. I know it isn’t, I know that Mom will be here for a while yet. Her body and mind, wasting away until there isn’t anything of her left.
I shove those thoughts down.
Because she’s here and she’s lucid and she’s still my mom.
And Styx was right, I need to treasure every moment with her. To share my life. My hopes and dreams. Because if I can’t defy the fear that lives inside me, the nagging little voice that makes me run every time life gets hard, I’ll be running forever.
And I want to stand still.
I want to be present and in the moment.
Because life is short, too short.
“Mom,” I say and she smiles. A real honest-to-God smile. One that reassures me that everything will be okay. That I can tell her anything and she’ll never judge me for it. Because she knows the hardship of life. She knows that things don’t always go the way you expect them to.
“I love Styx, with all my heart,” I whisper, and she beams. “But I also love someone else. I’m in love with two men, Mom.”
Her brows knit but then her frown smooths out and she smiles.
And then she says six little words that make my heart soar, “What a lucky girl you are.”
* * *
When I finally leave Mom’s room after lots of laughter and tears and more laughter, I feel lighter than I have in months. Her illness doesn’t define her, it never has.
Evelyn Walker is a strong woman and she’s determined to live every second of her life with a smile and full heart.
Styx stands the second I appear. “All good?”
“Yeah, I think so.” I wipe my eyes again. “I think everything is going to be okay.”
“Of course it is.” He pulls me into his arms. “Because me and Ry are going to make sure it is. You’ve got us. Always. I love you, Kitty Kat.” He drops a kiss on the top of my head.
“I love you too, so much. Take me home, Styx,” I murmur.
His eyes widen at my confession, but he recovers quickly and says, “Actually, D’s here. He’s hoping the two of you can talk.”
“He’s here?”
He nods, his expression tight. “Came to see your mom, didn’t realize we’d be here. You didn’t tell him?”
“We haven’t really talked since…”
“Well, he’s outside. But if you’re not ready—”
“No, I want to. I mean, I should, right? Clear the air.”
“Are you going to tell him? About Ryder?”