And that’s how I find myself driving Styx’s car toward the home Diesel and Cassie had found to look after Evelyn a few hours later with Kat looking like she’s going to bolt any second.
“You don’t have to go in,” I say. “If this is all you can handle, then that’s okay.”
I remember the first time I went to visit Ricky in the hospital after he was first diagnosed. I was fucking terrified. Just the thought of seeing him there, knowing that his life was never going to be normal was enough to send me running for the hills.
I still remembered him as a boisterous little toddler who drove me crazy every second of the day. But in that moment, I would’ve done anything to have that back. I didn’t want him suffering. He was my little brother, he was meant to be full of life, laughs and annoying jokes.
I almost bailed that day. I almost walked away and let my own fears overtake me.
I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad I grew a pair and went inside because the smile that lit up his face when I stepped into his room is something I’ll never forget.
“She’s going to be so excited to see you, Kat,” Styx says, stealing the words straight from my mouth. “And I’ll be right there. I promise.”
Twisting in her seat, she looks at me before turning around to gaze at Styx.
“You promise?”
“Oh course. And you’re sure you can’t come?” she asks, turning back to me.
“Next time. We don’t need to give your mom a heart attack when we both turn up holding your hand.”
She opens her mouth to argue but I quickly cut her off.
“I promised Ricky I’d call him. He had a hospital appointment this morning and he’s feeling a bit down.”
“Ryder,” she sighs, her eyes going all soft in a way I fucking love. “You’re a good big brother.”
I shrug because honestly, I’ve got no idea if I am. I’m not there as much as I should be, I don’t do as much as I could do. But Mom and Dad insist on me living my own life and not spending it under their feet trying to help.
“Go in there and give her a big kiss on the cheek from me,” I say, twisting my fingers with hers and tugging her closer. “I promise you, it’ll be nowhere near as scary as that hospital room,” I whisper in her ear.
“Come on, Kat, before he finds a more energetic way to distract you,” Styx says, throwing the back door open and climbing out.
“I’ll be right here waiting for you,” I promise, giving her a quick kiss on the lips and encouraging her to go.
Styx pulls her into his arms and together they head toward the entrance.
Just before they head inside, Kat looks back at me, her eyes colliding with mine.
“I love you, Kitten. You’ve got this,” I say, despite her being unable to hear me.
They slip inside and I pull my cell from my pocket, calling Mom so that I can talk to Ricky.
She gives me a more detailed rundown of the appointment this morning before handing me over.
“Rick, my man. How’s it going, bro?”
“Yeah, yeah. You know. I miss you on Xbox, man. No one else lets me win like you,” he teases. “Anyone would think you’ve got yourself a girlfriend or something.”
“Uh…”
“Oh my God, you have. Tell me everything.”
“Uh…” I scrub my hand down my face and try to come up with what I can tell him about Kat.
The reality is, he’s old enough to hear almost all of it. He’s not a kid anymore, but equally, I’m pretty sure he has no desire to listen to my sordid activities with my girl and my best friend.
“She’s awesome, man. You’re gonna love her.”