His eyebrows knitted as he shook his head. “You’re fucking kidding me.”
“When he drank, he’d come into my room, and after I screamed for him to leave, my mother would have words with him. He always blamed alcohol. I was seventeen when he tried to rape me, so I ran away and haven’t spoken to or seen my mother since.”
That cool, abridged outline didn’t even scratch the surface of what really happened. I couldn’t articulate the vile nature of what he did to me, and how shame and disgust took possession of my young heart, turning me into a penniless orphan.
I couldn’t tell him how I woke with my stepfather’s sweaty hands all over my tits. His sozzled breath on my neck, while clawing at me. His finger entered me roughly, while he grunted and breathed heavily. “Fuck… you feel nice.”
I screamed. Pushed him away and had to fight him off as his hands stuck to me like tentacles.
My knuckles throbbed with sharp pain after I punched him in the face then scrambled for my dressing gown and ran into the night. At the time, my insomniac mother, having taken sleeping tablets, was dead to the world. Accusing me of being a flirt, she didn’t believe me when I called her the next day from a friend’s house, where I’d stayed after she’d offered me a couch to crash on.
“What’s his name?” Declan asked with an icy tone that made my spine stiffen.
I rose, agitated, wringing my hands. “I don’t want you getting involved. I shouldn’t have told you.” Shaking my head, I felt tears threatening to erupt. “I don’t know why I did.”
He came and wrapped his arms around me. Instincts told me to break away, but I was too fragile to fight it. Instead, I collapsed against him and drew in his warmth like someone who’d been dunked in ice.
Without warning, a wall holding back a river of emotion burst, and I found myself weeping and shuddering in his arms.
It was as though pent-up emotion poured from me all at once. The more his arms tightened around me the more I sobbed.
Only Lucy knew about what had happened to me, and even with her I didn’t cry. I’d learnt to bottle things up. If only for my own sanity, because I knew that if I allowed myself to dwell on things, I’d lose the plot.
However, here I was bawling my eyes out and spilling my emotions all over a man I hardly knew.
As I calmed myself down, my cheek still remained on his hard chest while his strong arms continued to hold me. I felt safe. Like he would protect me. It was strange. I could have stayed there and fallen asleep.
I’m not sure how long it lasted, but I eventually took a deep breath, and unravelled myself from his arms.
A strand of my hair had come loose, and he tucked it behind my ear, while his eyes penetrated mine deeply.
Brushing my damp cheeks with my arm, I snapped out of my trance. “I’m sorry.”
He towered over me. His eyes soft and filled with sympathy. “No. Thank you for sharing that. I needed to understand why you wear fear on your face.”
I had to step away from him to gather my senses. His scent was drugging me again.
“What do you mean?” I couldn’t let that comment pass.
“Just that I saw it when Ethan was hitting on you. I’m sorry about my brother, by the way.”
“No. It’s okay. I’m used to it.”
He smiled gently. “I’m sure you are.”
“I meant not like that.” I took a breath. “I didn’t realise I gave off that damsel-in-distress vibe.”
“I don’t see you like that. There’s a strong woman in there, for sure. But you’re right not to trust certain men.”
There we remained in silence while I searched for my voice. “I guess I should get back to cleaning.” My tongue in a tangle. I couldn’t believe we’d entered such a personal space.
Had I really told him about my stepfather?
What the hell had possessed me?
I couldn’t resist this man, but I had to. I needed my job more than I needed to fall into the arms of a beautiful man.
And he was beautiful. In more ways than just physical.