“I don’t.” For one moment, he saw her expression lighten. Almost as if she were relieved. Then intimidating Zoe was back.
“Then why did you ask Nico to take over for you?”
He sighed and slumped in his chair. “I don’t want Nico to take over. I want to be the one who catches Davies. The one who keeps you safe. But I thought it would be easier for you if I was gone.”
She tilted her head and studied him. “Don’t you mean it would be easier for you?”
He opened his dinner and poked at the golden-brown sauteed cod. The tiny roasted potatoes. The perfectly cooked spears of asparagus. “It would be easier for both of us if I weren’t here,” he finally said. “I want you too much. I want to go back to how it was between us twenty-four hours ago. I want to sleep in your bed, tangled together with you. Take showers with you. Be able to touch you whenever I want to.”
“I want that, too,” she said, staring down at her unopened dinner. “More than I’ve ever wanted anything. But I know that’s off the table. Know that you need to focus on catching Ethan, and that I need to focus on helping you do that.”
She lifted her head. “So it’s hands off. Until Ethan’s caught.”
He looked away from her. “Once Davies is caught, I have to go back to Montana. There’ll be another job for me. Another person who needs protection.”
“You get some R & R after Ethan’s behind bars,” she said, lifting the top off the box of food. “You told me that’s how it works. We could spend that time together.”
The more time he spent with Zoe, the harder it would be to walk away. Even now, leaving her and going back to Montana would rip out his heart. “Let’s figure that out after Davies is in custody,” he said.
A shadow crossed her face, then disappeared. “That’s probably smart.” Once again, he couldn’t read her expression. She opened up her box, slid the food onto a plate and broke off a tiny bite of the cod.
“So we take it day by day,” Spence said, feeling like a complete jerk. He was planning on running back to the Blackhawk Security compound as fast as he could when this case was over. And it wasn’t fair to Zoe to pretend otherwise.
But if he stayed, even for just a week, he’d risk not ever being able to leave. And he couldn’t do that to Zoe. Wouldn’t promise something he was pretty sure he couldn’t deliver.
He didn’t do forever -- he had no idea how forever worked. He hadn’t seen it when he was a kid. He’d thought he wanted forever with Marissa, but he’d lost her. And in hindsight, he realized he’d been infatuated with her. Seduced by her smile and her charm and her welcoming arms. But he’d never felt for Marissa half of what he felt for Zoe.
Which was exactly why Zoe was so dangerous. She wasn’t some random woman he’d enjoyed for a weekend. She was his client. She was Mel’s sister. And if he screwed up, Davies could take her.
Or worse.