She went to the second closet in the room and stepped inside. Found the jackets she’d worn in those early years. Studied all of them until she found four that looked the baggiest, then grabbed their hangers and carried them into the living room.
Spence studied them as she laid them on the chairs. “They look bigger than the one you’re wearing.”
“They aren’t tailored for me, so they probably are.”
“Let’s try the larger vest first,” he said, turning to pick up one of the vests.
He carefully slid the vest up over her arms, his hands never touching her. It settled heavily on her shoulders, and he stepped around her to fasten the Velcro on the sides of the vest.
He began to reach for her, then curled his fingers into his palms. “How does it feel?”
She wiggled her shoulders. Took a deep breath. “Heavy.”
“That’s because you’re used to wearing lightweight stuff. You’ll get used to it pretty quickly. This is soft armor. It’s not as bulky, but it will protect you against handguns. Not rifles, but I’m not expecting Davies to use a rifle and fire from a distance. He doesn’t want you dead, or at least I don’t think he does. So we don’t need the bulkier hard armor.”
He approached her again, his jaw clenched. He slid his hand beneath the vest near her left side and spread his fingers over her abdomen. They burned into her skin through her thin silk blouse, but she held herself still. Tried damn hard not to react. But Spence pulled his hand away as if he’d been burned.
“Let me check the back,” he muttered.
His hand slid up the vest against her back, and she remembered all the times he’d smoothed his fingers over her back, both soothing and arousing her. She sucked in a breath. Held it.
“Exhale,” he said, his voice cutting through her like the crack of a whip. “I need to see how much room there is.”
She let out a breath, then tried to breath normally. It was surprisingly hard with Spence’s hand sliding over her back and around to her abdomen beneath the vest.
Finally he took his hands away, shoved them into his pockets and stepped back. “This one’s too big,” he said. “Too loose. Let’s try the other one.”
“Okay,” she said, her voice a low rasp in the quiet living area. She reached blindly for the sides, trying to unfasten it.
Spence gently brushed her hands away. His fingers burned into her skin and made her ache with need. She swallowed but didn’t allow herself any other reaction to his touch.
“Let me take it off for you,” he said.
He didn’t sound any happier about it than she was, but she nodded. “Fine. But show me how it works, so I can do it myself on Friday.”
“I’ll be with you on Friday,” he said.
“I know, but I need to be able to take it off myself.” What if she was in the restroom and needed to remove it for some reason?
He set his palm on her right side, and she felt the imprint of each of his fingers, even through the vest. “It fastens with Velcro,” he said. He ran his finger down to where the two sides overlapped, and she couldn’t prevent her shudder. “All you need to do is pull the two edges apart.”
He opened the right side, then gestured to the left. “You open the other side.”
Her hands shook, but she managed to grip the edge of the vest and pull the Velcro apart. When the vest gaped open, she slid one arm out of it, then the other. Took a deep breath and handed him the vest.
He was careful not to touch her hand when he took it from her.
They repeated the process with the smaller vest. It fit more snugly, but that was probably good. It would fit better beneath her clothes.
Once she got the smaller vest off, she handed it to Spence. “I’m going to change my clothes,” she muttered, walking into the other room without looking at him. She didn’t want Spence to know how much his casual touch had rattled her. Aroused her. Made her wish things were different.
She closed the bedroom door almost all the way. There was only a tiny crack of light between the door and the frame, and she stared at it for a long moment.
Yesterday, Spence would have followed her into the bedroom. Helped her change her clothes. And they would have ended up in her bed together wearing no clothes at all.
Stepping away from their physical relationship had been the right decision. She knew it as well as Spence did. He needed to focus on catching Ethan, and they both needed to pay attention to everything around them when they were out in public.
But as she dropped onto the edge of her bed and rubbed the heels of her palms over her aching, tear-heavy eyes, the loss of Spence’s touch sliced through her like a sharp knife.