Everything about the last twelve hours has been a dream.
By the time Shane is finished with me, we hop into the shower together and I'm feeling so spoiled by this man a part of me wishes I hadn't wasted the last four years in college, and I would've just stayed here and been attentive to him and in return he would take care of all of my needs in and out of the bedroom. He makes me feel fulfilled and so happy, the happiest I've been since the day I lost Mom.
With Shane wrapped in a towel, and me dressed in a floaty summer dress with tiny little pink flowers dotted across it, we move to the kitchen and I start up a batch of his mom's famous Apple cinnamon pancakes that I know he loves. Before long, Rafe and Gio have joined us and we're all making breakfast together. My hips sway to the music on the stereo as I drop the first spoonful of batter into the pan, making sure to slide it around so the pancakes come out crispy on the edges just like the boys like. My boys. I smile to myself, thinking how quickly we fell into this rhythm of the four of us, and how happy it makes me to be with all of them here now.
"I wasn't going to say anything now," interrupts Gio, "but it seems like something tripped the security camera last night in the hallway of the penthouse."
Shane's body turns rigid instantly, his eyes casting across the room from mine to Gio’s.
He spoons the rest of the cooked bacon onto a napkin-covered plate, and lets them soak up the grease before he nods to Gio and they walk across the living room and into Gio’s bedroom. They don't bother to close the door, but it doesn't matter because I still can't hear anything over the music on the morning playlist. Gio and Shane return a minute later and I can see the stress lines working across Shane's forehead. Something must've happened, something bad. But I know he won't tell me, at least not until he's ready to. This is what they've always done, kept me out of the loop until they couldn't anymore. I wonder briefly if it's something about last night, not something between us but something about Damien and what happened at the club. A whisper of annoyance tremors through me as I think about Damien slipping me a date rape drug. Thankfully, I don't feel anything in my system any longer but there's no doubt in my mind that there was at one point last night. I'm thankful again that Shane was there to be my knight in shining armor, and I'm thankful that Gio insisted I wear a tracking device at all times. I never asked questions, always assuming they were my overbearing guardian angels, and last night was the first night they had to prove it.
"Pancakes are ready." I catch Shane’s eye, and he nods once. "Everything okay?"
"Yep. Or at least it will be."
He pulls the chair out for me at the kitchen table and I let myself be cuddled by him, at least for now. All three of these men have always split their time between taking care of me and taking care of business, and I've never minded it because they always make me feel so protected, but now this once I wish they would clue me in to what’s gotten them so shaken up.
Rafe adds two pancakes to a plate along with a generous serving of bacon, and then slides it my way. Gio pours a glass of pineapple juice and slides the glass at me. He knows it's my favorite. I appreciate the little details from each of them. When Rafe silently piles his plate high with his own generous helping of breakfast, he clears his throat once and then says, "Is there anything I need to take care of?"
I know he characteristically is the muscle of the group, and Gio is the security. Shane operates somewhere between the two, often giving them instructions on the next move, whatever that may be.
I bite into my pancake, chewing softly and hoping it's nothing that puts their lives in danger, although everything they do and the people they do it with always seems to have them in danger.
It's hard for me to swallow, despite how delicious the pancakes are. They've turned out perfectly, just according to the recipe, but now all I can think is that if I'm pregnant with Shane's baby I can't have him running off and taking lives, even if it's in the name of valiant reasons. I need him. And I need him to help me raise our child if we made one last night. I can't repeat the cycle of raising a child as a single parent like he was forced to raise me. Sick with the thought, I push my plate away, the rest of the food uneaten.
Gio raises one eyebrow. "Is everything okay?"
I nod once and then stand from my chair. "Everything is perfect. Now I'm just afraid to lose it all."
And with that I walk back to my room, this time closing the door, which is something I rarely do with them. These men know everything about me, I've never bothered to keep a secret because the surveillance they've always had on me is so thorough it seems pointless to. Plus, I would tell them anything, I trust them with my life. But now for the first time, I wish they weren't so big and scary and strong and had such dangerous jobs. I know it's only a factor of the life they were born into, I know for the most part they've broken the cycle of violence that comes with being in their family. The Andolini men are known in our small Italian hamlet of the city, all big and broad and scary as fuck. They intimidate with one look, but they've never intimidated me. Now I'm just afraid to lose them.
"What's wrong–don't lie to me." Shane's arms are wrapping around my waist, pulling me close to him and forcing me to look up into his concerned eyes.
"I love what we have so much, I don't even wanna leave to go back to college, even though I'm almost finished. And I'm just afraid to lose everything when we've just found it."
"We haven't just found anything. I knew this day was coming. I knew you were always mine–ours. I pledged my life long ago to take care of you and make sure you were always safe. That doesn't change now. Not an ounce. I'll take care of you and our future children." He places a palm over my soft belly then and I can feel his tenderness, and I know that he wishes for the little miracle that might live there to come into our lives too.
"I'm just afraid."
"You don't need to be. Fear doesn't have a place in our life. Fear causes people to make bad decisions. Last night changes nothing, and what you just revealed to me changes nothing." He dips his lips to mine and kisses me tenderly, reassuring me with every stroke of his tongue that I am his.
I will always be his.