“I know you do,” Heidi reassured. “You’re always so attentive to me. Thank you for that.”
“Good.” Ann smiled slightly, which brought Heidi’s lips upward.
“How…” Heidi paused, not quite sure the best way to ask the question. Choosing to go for it, she started again, “How do you feel about this past week?”
Heidi’s heart rapped wildly as she waited for the answer. She thought they were on the same page, but she wanted to be one hundred percent sure they were. They’d had enough miscommunications in their time together, and they didn’t need to add to them. Ann didn’t answer right away, and Heidi realized how unspecific her question was.
“About us, I mean. You and me. Leave Lila out of it for a minute.”
“That’s difficult to do, don’t you think?” Ann asked.
Heidi canted her head to the side. Ann was right, but still, they had their own relationship, and they should be able to talk about it without Lila being interjected every five seconds.
“I think I feel more connected to you than I have in years, maybe since ever, honestly.”
Heidi sucked in a breath sharply. She’d been thinking the exact same, but before she could speak again, Ann went on.
“I think I feel centered. I’m not sure if that’s the right word, but I feel comfortable, not like I’m walking on eggshells or wondering what bomb is going to be dropped next or where I’ll make a mistake. I’m not quite sure I’ve ever felt that way.”
Nodding, Heidi blinked back the tears sliding into her eyes. She’d seen Ann struggle with her self-confidence every moment they’d known each other, and no matter how much Heidi tried to help her boost it, she’d never managed to do it in terms of their relationship, only work and friends. “I can see that.”
“Good.” Ann gave her a wan smile. “It’s like something has finally clicked into place that was just barely out of place.”
Grinning, Heidi agreed. “Yes, I feel that, too. And everything else you said. I do feel more connected to you. I don’t…I don’t want to lose that.”
“You think Lila is central to that?”
Heidi gave a little shrug. “Maybe not central but essential. She’s what we’ve been missing all this time.”
“I agree, but where does that leave us.”
“Waiting,” Heidi’s answer was quiet. “We can’t make the decision for her.”
“But we can be there when she’s ready to make it.”
“Yes. Until then…we’re waiting.”
CHAPTER21
Lila thoughtshe’d take the entire week or more to separate herself from Ann and Heidi, but she couldn’t. She started texting both of them as soon as she’d gotten home, first to let them know she’d made it safely, but then the conversations bloomed as if they’d never leftIndigo. By the time two days had passed, she missed both of them. She hadn’t managed to see Ann at work to get even a little fix, and Heidi had been so busy with work and the after-holiday calls that none of them had found time.
She sat on her couch staring at the television screen as images moved across it. Her phone sat neatly in the palm of her hand as she waited for it to go off with something from someone. She’d never felt this tethered to someone else before, not in a romantic sense, but there was something about both Ann and Heidi that she couldn’t deny. She did love them, though admitting that was harder than she’d ever thought it would be.
Years of therapy, years of processing, and it still sucked that she had shit to deal with on the daily where it concerned her trauma and abuse. She hated it. It shouldn’t bother her anymore, and more often than not, Lila ignored it if she could. Yet that entire week, she’d been slammed with it face first more times than she could count, and all she wanted was to curl up with her women and potentially go through that again.
“Huh.” Lila bit her lip and closed her eyes.
She hadn’t thought of it like that before. She did want to just be with them because she knew they would take care of her. They’d each done that from the first moment she’d met them. It was fun, but she felt so safe with them. Secure.
She sent a quick text to Heidi asking if she was home yet and what her address was. Within seconds she had a response. Turning off the television, Lila grabbed an overnight bag, something she rarely ever packed for her dates, and shoved in an outfit for the next morning and a pair of pajamas along with toiletries. It may be presumptive of her, but she had a feeling they wouldn’t care.
Her phone went off with another text from Heidi asking why she wanted the address. Lila ignored it and walked out her apartment, locking the door, and sliding behind the wheel of her car. The drive to their house was so unfamiliar, and she almost missed the turnoff. Lila slammed on her brakes and made a sharp exit off the highway when her GPS told her she was about to go the wrong way.
The dirt road was rough, and she drove slowly, being so unfamiliar with the area. It took her longer than Ann’s twenty minutes to make the drive, but she’d get better at it. The house wasn’t quite what she expected. They had land, but it was in the middle of nowhere. Small, but enough for two people, Lila supposed. It didn’t look run-down, but it didn’t look immaculately kept, either. The front porch light was on.
She parked on the far side of the single-car driveway in the grass where she could see tread marks with her headlights. Someone else had clearly done what she was doing now. Lila grabbed the bag from her passenger seat and shut the door to her car as quietly as possible. The walk to the front door of the house seemed to take forever, every nerve in her body warring with itself, telling her to leave and stay at the same time.
Lila reached for the screen door when the front door opened to beautiful, petite, dark-haired Heidi standing on the other side with a curious and cautious look in her gaze. Cocking her head to the side, Lila plastered a grin on her lips. “I brought an overnight bag.”