Swallowing hard, Lila shook her head. “No. I trust her.”
Jerica snorted. “This is not going to end well.”
“It’ll end perfectly. I promise. Just let me do my thing, and you do your thing.” Lila’s light tone was gone. She tried to rein in her frustration, but it wasn’t working. She hated having to defend her choices, especially to someone she’d hoped would understand, but she guessed she was wrong. Ann understood. That was something at least. Lila hadn’t fully talked to Heidi about it, but she didn’t get the sense Heidi wanted to bring her in for a triad, so everything would be good there as well.
Jerica handed over the order form. “This should be good for a week, I think.”
“Are you taking off for a few days?”
“No, but if I under-order, or try to order for only a few days, then we’ll undoubtedly run out of supplies.”
“Makes sense, I guess.” Lila took the form and skimmed it over. “We should be able to get most of this in for you.”
“I’d appreciate it.” Jerica sent her a wink. “And if you want a rehash of last weekend this coming weekend, you know my number.”
Lila smiled broadly. “I’ll think about it.”
As she walked away, Lila sighed. Jerica was not someone she wanted to get into bed with on a regular basis. She wanted more than Lila did, and that was something she wasn’t willing to compromise on, and Lila didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about where they were going. That, and she couldn’t stop thinking about Heidi and Ann. They were so different, but they seemed to want exactly the same things, things that Lila hopefully could give them.
Lila just wanted to have fun, most of the time, but she wanted the fun with that deep connection. Jerica was fun. They laughed, giggled, stayed up late and ate junk food, but with Ann and Heidi it was more than that. Lila knew she could talk to them about anything, that if she called them in the middle of the night like Ann’s partner had called her, that they would answer and be there. That was something she wasn’t sure Jerica would give her.
Inputting the order, Lila finished out her shift in record time. She would call Ann as soon as she knew Ann was off her shift. She sent Heidi a text, but didn’t get a response, so she figured she was equally busy with something. Putting her feet up on her couch as soon as she was home and resting, Lila closed her eyes. Why was it she couldn’t get either of them off her mind?
CHAPTER10
Every musclein Ann’s body ached. She’d barely slept the entire week since she’d been back, but at least Heidi seemed a little more even-keeled than she had been. But with every deep sigh Heidi let out, Ann still worried. It had been years—close to a decade, actually—since Ann had seen Heidi in such a state.
When they’d first started dating, Heidi had warned her things like this would happen. Ann hadn’t believed her. Really, she hadn’t understood what Heidi was talking about or just how extreme it would be when she had an episode.
At one point, Ann had contemplated going to a therapist, just to learn how she could help. Heidi had even suggested it. However, Ann had avoided, and they’d dealt with Heidi’s episodes as they had come. This week had been so tortuously long that she’d barely been able to check in with Lila and let her know that she was okay and everything would be returning to normal soon enough, that no one had died in the process.
Ann had been so worried that something like that might happen, but she’d trusted Heidi enough that the first night she would be fine alone. However, Ann felt far more comfortable being there the rest of the nights. She’d gotten off work and come straight home, cleaning up the house if Heidi was still at work and puttering around while she waited. She’d spent hours trying to figure out exactly what Heidi needed and doing just that. But it never seemed to be quite enough.
She wished there was more she could do, that she could take the pain away from Heidi, even though she instinctively knew nothing would ever wash that trauma away. With an aching heart, Ann finished cleaning the bathroom and changed out the laundry. Her day off meant she wanted to have the house spic-and-span for when Heidi came home.
Sitting down at the dining room table for the first time in what felt like six days, Ann sighed. She hurt so much watching Heidi go through all this trauma again. Sometimes she wished Heidi had picked a different job, one that wasn’t so hard on her soul, but she could also see why Heidi was perfect for it. Heidi had compassion in spades, and she knew exactly what those kids were going through. She could help them see their future solely by her existence.
Not only that, but Ann also understood the calling to help. Sure, they got paid—Heidi way less than she did for much more of an emotional beating—but they were both called to be in the caring fields. They wanted to help people first and foremost, and they wanted to help each other.
Her phone buzzing surprised her. Heidi had been very quiet while she was at work, which was typical in general but even more so when she was going through an episode. It always worried Ann. That, or she just noticed how quiet Heidi was during these times instead of during normal times. She wanted constant contact to make sure her partner was all right.
Lila had texted. The hope that it was Heidi dashed away only to be replaced by warmth. Ann had read every one of Lila’s texts that week even though she hadn’t answered any of them. Now was as good a time as any. Instead of texting back, Ann called.
“Wasn’t sure when I’d hear your voice again,” Lila’s voice was low and sultry.
Ann’s cheeks heated from the thoughts it brought to her mind and the last time Lila had talked to her like that. “It’s been a week, that’s for sure. I’ve missed you, though.”
“Everything well on the home front?”
“It’s getting there. Slowly but surely.”
“I wish you’d let me help more.”
“I would, but…” Ann bit her lip as she paused, staring at the picture of her and Heidi on their tenth anniversary that Heidi had hung on the wall. “…she wouldn’t like it.”
“I don’t need to help her, just you.”
“You help me enough solely by being there when I call.”