“Why not?” Jewel’s voice wavered.
“I’m not ready for it.”
Jewel clenched her jaw. “You’re not ready? The entire time at Indigo all we did was talk. Talk about us, talk about feelings, talk about what this might mean. We finally broke through that last barrier. You seduced me. And now you’re saying you’re not ready for it?”
Anger was only the tip of the iceberg. Jewel stood up from the table, every muscle in her body primed and ready to take her wherever she needed to go, and she needed to get out. She needed time and space to think clearly. She needed a damn minute to process.
Lea stood slowly, everything about her screaming control and patience. “We’re too different sometimes.”
“We…?” Jewel was at a loss for words. “Different? Forgive me for not falling in love with someone who is my exact clone!”
“I…I didn’t mean it like that.” Lea was so calm.
Jewel wanted nothing more than to poke the bear, to make Lea as mad as her so they could fight, yell, let out all this pent-up frustration. She deserved that at the very least, didn’t she? “Then what did you mean?”
“I mean we’re different.” Lea’s voice rose, her tone edging into the argument Jewel had been wanting for the last few minutes.
Jewel shook her head slowly. “Everyone is different, Lea. If you don’t want to find someone, then tell me, because I don’t want to be a pity fuck.”
“That’s not what Indigo was.” Lea grabbed Jewel’s wrist tightly. “It was not pity. Ever.”
“Then what was it?” Jewel stepped in closer, hoping Lea would answer. But she had a feeling she would avoid, that she would skirt around the topic. They hadn’t fully talked through that night. They hadn’t talked about anything involving Indigo in the week they’d been home, and Jewel couldn’t wait any longer. Lea had all the patience in the world, but Jewel did not. And she was not going to wait around for Lea to come to the realization they needed a conversation.
Lea moved away, giving them some space. Jewel wanted to follow her, wanted to remain as close as possible, but she gave Lea the space she clearly needed. Lea strolled toward the kitchen, then to the couch, then came back to the dining room table. Jewel watched her pace until suddenly she stopped. All the fear and anxiety that had been built up in Jewel was now reflected in Lea.
“I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what?” Jewel pleaded. She wanted an answer so badly, but she didn’t know how long she was willing to wait for one. Lea was smart. She could spin circles around Jewel for hours if she wanted. Jewel’s body hurt from standing stiff for so long. She tried to step closer, but Lea held her hands out to stop Jewel.
Halting, Jewel waited. Lea stared at the ground between them, more closed off than she had been all day. It was as if they were taking wild steps backward instead of forward. Jewel tried again, but Lea shook her head, her hands out in front of her still.
“I give up, Lea. Talk to me when you’re ready, but I’m not going to wait around.”
With a huff, Jewel turned toward the door, grabbed her jacket, and slammed her way outside. She was at her car, in the driver’s seat with the engine running before she knew what was happening. Jewel stared at the house. It was dark outside, the front porch light not even on since she’d gotten there during the day. Her heart raced. She wanted to leave so badly, but she also wanted to stay.
Lea had looked—she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. It was something she had never seen from her before, but she hadn’t looked angry. She’d looked defeated. She looked like her world was about to end. Staring at the front door, Jewel had a decision to make. Either she went back inside and stuck around until they figured this out or she left, and the tension would continue.
Her knuckles were white on the steering wheel as she looked at the house. Catching sight of Lea standing in the window staring out at her with her arms crossed, Jewel knew she didn’t have a choice. Something had to give, and it had to be her. Lea was unmovable without a direct outside force. Jewel snorted. Lea would be the one teaching science with that.
Whistling out a breath, Jewel turned off her car and pocketed the key in the overcoat she’d worn. Every breath she took was vivid. She stepped out of the car, rounding the hood, all the while staring at Lea through the large picture window. Her heart pounded so hard, her stomach twisted, she worried she was making the wrong choice, that Lea wouldn’t be ready, that they would just end up yelling at each other again—or more likely her yelling and Lea taking it.
The doorknob was cold against her fingers as she wrapped them around it tightly. It was now or never. They had to find a balance, and Jewel was going to stay until they figured it out. She was going to make Lea talk to her until she understood what was going on in her mind, in her heart, and exactly what place she wanted Jewel to have. She twisted her wrist and pushed the door open.