“It always does, but it’s always worth it.”
Azalea nodded her agreement, her stomach churning with the thought that perhaps her crush wasn’t as far gone as she’d once thought. Still, she had no idea where Jewel stood on the matter, and she certainly didn’t want to take advantage of someone exploring their sexuality in any way.
Jewel got up as the microwave beeped its completion. Azalea had completely lost track of the time. Jewel left the room, her wide hips swaying to a beat all her own as she headed for the kitchen. Azalea was lost in her thoughts again, lost in the woman she was spending so much time with, lost in the questions and the wonderings. It had been so long since she’d allowed herself to just feel and not worry if they would fit together or what everyone else would say. It was quite possible that she and Jewel could be together and no one would be the wiser. Not that she wanted that, of course, but they were already so close. How many people would question it?
Jewel sat down, the plastic bowl of popcorn handed over in a silent invitation. Azalea popped a couple pieces between her lips, the salt and butter melting on her tongue in an instant. Jewel grabbed her wine and took a sip.
“Brady thought we were more than friends, you know.”
“He what?” Azalea was taken aback. “Why would he think that?”
Jewel’s raised eyebrow was enough to answer that question. Honestly, Azalea should have seen it, especially once Jewel had come out to him. Some people were so judgmental of pansexuality, always thinking another sex was going to win their partner over. It was stupid all around.
“Right,” Azalea answered, but she didn’t give any more. They hadn’t done anything, and they were both well aware of that fact. “Did you want more than that before?”
“When I was with him? No. I was with him.”
“Ah.” Azalea nodded and shoved another handful of popcorn between her lips. She drank her wine and stared at the fire. What was she supposed to say to that? Did she want to continue the conversation or to end it? She had no idea, but she knew they were treading on dangerous territory.
“I do like you, you know.”
Jewel’s voice was so quiet Azalea wasn’t sure she’d heard her correctly. But when the silence spun from seconds into nearly a minute, she knew what Jewel had said had been real.
“I didn’t then,” Jewel added, making eye contact. “But I do now.”
“Oh.” Azalea’s voice wavered. She supposed this was the time when she was supposed to admit her own feelings, share them with Jewel so they were both on the same page, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Fear and worry etched its way into her, and she bit the words back, refusing to let them loose. “What changed?”
“I don’t know.” The mood had turned so melancholy, sobering up faster than Azalea had ever anticipated. Jewel continued, “I guess I stopped wearing my friend-colored glasses.”
That was no doubt an honest answer. If anything, it had been the exact same as what had happened to Azalea in the last day. Something had shifted between them. Everything they said and did carried far more weight. Azalea paid far closer attention not just to the way Jewel looked, but the way she acted, the nuances that made her so much herself.
“Makes sense,” Azalea answered.
The timer on the oven went off. She moved off the couch and padded toward the kitchen in nothing other than her socks. She was quiet as she moved, and when she entered the kitchen, she let out a breath like she’d just been saved by the bell.
Shoving the oven mitt over her hand, she pulled out the cookie bake and set it on the top of the stove to cool a bit. She’d left the ice cream out so it would soften enough that she could scoop some out. She must be going crazy. There was no reason she should be entertaining the ideas going through her head, not the ones about Jewel, not the what-ifs about a deeper romantic relationship with her, not the ones about what it might be like to kiss her or how soft her lips would be.
“Lea,” Jewel called.
Azalea stiffened. She spun around, her eyes wide as she was caught.
“Where have you been?”
Shaking her head in confusion, Azalea turned toward the cookie bake. “Finishing this up.”
“You’ve been gone a while.”
“Have I?” Azalea turned to the ice cream to see it mostly melted on top of the cookie dough. She must have been deep in her thoughts not to have even noticed.
Jewel came up next to her but didn’t grab the food. “What were you thinking about?”
Azalea’s cheeks heated, the flush rushing throughout her body. There was no way in hell she was going to answer that question. She grabbed for the food, but Jewel’s hand on her wrist stopped her.
“No, tell me what you were thinking.”
“No.” Azalea gave her a wary glance.
“Lea, please. I told you everything earlier.”