If she allowed him inside, he would make love to her for the entire night. The passion she felt in him earlier would demand no less. Sarah desperately wanted that and to be in his arms again. Yet as she stood there staring at the door, she knew she could not. She wanted more from Robert, and if he could not give her more, she could not be his occasional lover.
That would only destroy her and the love she could feel growing daily in her heart for him. Swallowing down the ache of tears, she went back to her bed, drew the covers to her chin and tried to sleep.
Sarah stayed restless and awake in the dark for a long time.
Chapter 10
The very next day, Sarah was relieved to learn that the duke had gone into the village to assist tenants who had been affected by flooding. She and Lady Esther sat with the girls in the drawing room, reading. The weather was still dreary, and Sarah had directed their lessons today on reading, a pastime Caroline enjoyed, but Charlotte found frustrating. She was snuggled into Sarah’s lap as she helped her pronounced a few larger words from her storybook.
The housekeeper entered with a tea trolley, and the always hungry girls cheered when they saw the shaved chocolate and the hot milk. With a laugh, Sarah stood and gasped as the room spun around her.
“Miss Bellamy!”
Lady Esther’s voice seemed as if it was heard from a great distance. After a few nauseating moments, the room righted itself. The girls peered at her with worried brown eyes, and she smiled down at them reassuringly.
“I believe I stood too fast. There is nothing to worry about.”
Still, she sat while Lady Esther and the housekeeper used the dark chocolate shavings and prepared four cups of hot chocolate.
“I think this might be the dreadful consequences of being caught in the rain,” Lady Esther said, handing Sarah a cup of hot chocolate. “I do believe you should spend the day in bed, Miss Bellamy. The girls and I will be quite fine.”
“I am certain it is nothing.” Lifting the cup to her nose, she inhaled deeply and took a sip. To Sarah’s horror, her stomach heaved. The housekeeper hurried from the room and returned with a pot. She took it and bent over it until the feelings passed. So as not to frighten the girls, Sarah rang for the nursery maid to take them upstairs and continue reading to them. They kissed her lovingly before they departed.
“I cannot imagine why I am so out of sorts,” Sarah said. “It is as if my stomach suddenly decides to hate hot chocolate.”
“What an utterly unnerving thought,” Lady Esther said, holding her cup closer than normal.
Sarah laughed and then groaned as that awful feeling came over her.
“It’s the feeling that happens when one is in the way,” the housekeeper said in an ominous undertone, staring at Sarah with deep censure.
Lady Esther’s eyes flared with shock, and she set her cup down with aclick.
Sarah frowned, confused. “In the way of what?”
The housekeeper huffed. “You are breeding, Miss Bellamy.”
The silence that fell over the drawing room almost choked her. “I am with child?” she foolishly asked.
Lady Esther stood, staring at her as if she had grown heads. Sarah rose and pressed a hand to her belly, shock rendering her speechless. The housekeeper bustled from the drawing room and closed the door behind her.
“Is it true?” Lady Esther demanded tightly, fury tinging her voice. “Do you have a follower?”
“I…” Could she truly be withchild? Her senses dazed, and Sarah realized she had not seen her courses since that midnight encounter in the gardens.
Lady Esther must have seen the knowledge in her eyes, for she recoiled as if Sarah was contaminated.
“How can you be expected to guide the girls’ moral education when you have the morals of a trollop!”
Mortified fury washed through Sarah. Her lips trembling fiercely, she fought the need to cry. “Lady Esther—”
“No.” She waved her hand in a slashing motion. “With the flooding, the duke might not return home for a few days. Your position is retired, Miss Bellamy. I do not want you another minute around the girls.”
Pain pierced her chest. She closed her eyes to trap her tears. “I would prefer to wait and speak with the duke about—”
“You will leave today, Miss Bellamy,” Lady Esther snapped icily. “Or I will have the footmen toss you from the house.”
Sarah jerked back, shocked at her vehemence.