“What if we don’t find you anyone at all?” he blurted suddenly.
Her mouth dried as his words crushed her. Was he giving up? Was she so hopeless?
He took a step toward her and cleared his throat. “What if I gave you an annuity which would allow you to practice your music without having to marry?”
She wasn’t certain if she should kneel with gratitude or shake him. And she wasn’t certain if he was suggesting this because he wished her to be happy or thought her a lost cause. “No,” she said. “It is not possible.”
“Why?” he ground out.
“I already have a small annuity that would have kept me into old age. Your support will not be significant enough to do anything for my sister, my brother, my mother, or my little brother.”
“But Jack, you’d be free,” he breathed.
“Freedom,” she said, the pain of that word making it almost impossible to speak. Tears stung her eyes. “What a glorious thing. But I would not be free of knowing that my family suffered.”
She looked away, trying to explain her position. “I understand that you have no brothers and sisters, but I do, and I love them dearly. I cannot bear to abandon them. We are already on dangerous ground.”
“Indeed, you are,” he agreed.
And given the tone of his voice, she knew that he did not entirely mean her father’s financial mistakes.
Jack blinked her tears away. She wouldn’t allow them to spill, but the pain of knowing that even he, the all-powerful duke who prided himself on making matches, could not help her, was a blow too far.
“If you are here,” she began, forcing the words out, “to only suggest that I remain unmarried, then I think that we are done. I think we must agree that you are not capable of assisting me at all.”
“I refuse to admit defeat, Jack.”
“Perhaps you should,” she whispered.
“I offered you this because I want you to be happy. It’s all I want for people. Their happiness. I have seen true misery in marriage, and I could never wish that on you.” He closed the distance between them and gently took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. Slowly, he turned her face back to his. “I have another list of names.”
She sucked in a shuddering breath, shocked to find that she was relieved. Relieved he was not abandoning her yet again. Relieved that she would not have to navigate thetonalone. Relieved…that she would not have to give him up just yet.
“You do?” she queried.
He nodded slowly, grave. “There are only a few names upon it, but I’m certain that one of them will do.”
“Will you give it to me?”
“No,” he said.
“Whyever not?”
“Because you will prejudge them, Jack.”
“Oh, dear,” she said, attempting to smile, but failing. “That bad, is it?”
“Jack,” he sighed. “You are infuriating.”
She gave him a small salute. It was really the only thing she could do. She had to make merry. She had to prove to him that she did not ache from head to toe forhim.
That she did not desire him more than anything in the entire world.
The realization hit her with far more force than their tumble to the floor.
The only things in close competition to her feelings for him was her pianoforte and her devotion to her family.
Her heart, her terrible, terrible heart, had a sinking sensation as he stood before her.