The intensity of his stare was almost too much to bear. The pain that lingered just behind his eyes stole her breath away, and so she teased, “That would make things very interesting for you and my brother.”
He laughed, the tension in his shoulders dissipating. “Stranger things have happened, but I have no desire to marry your brother. He does not have what is required to make my life fulfilled.”
She stared at him agog, feeling as if she had missed something.
“Oh, forgive me. I forget how innocent you are.”
“I am not completely ignorant,” she said hurriedly, hating to seem completely without information. “My education is varied, even if I have little practical experience of the world.”
“I see,” he replied, smiling now. “I’m glad to hear that I shall not have to instruct you on every step.” He sighed. “The truth is your family is really quite remarkable given how much they have allowed you to learn. Many young ladies are not as bold as you.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I’ve always been pleased with my mother, and my father, too, in their liberal education of myself and my siblings. It’s such a shame that it all went wrong.” She cleared her throat. “Which of course brings me to our purpose here, does it not? For it does me no good to captivate you and no one else.”
He laughed, but there was a slight groan to it. As if he rued his involvement but couldn’t figure a way out of it. Did notwanta way out of it.
“So,” she said, striding forward, closing the gap between them. “What shall be the basis of our first lesson?”
The silence was so long, the crackle of the fire seemed positively thunderous.
“The first thing is you must be absolutely comfortable,” he began. “Would you like to make yourself comfortable?”
“Morecomfortable?” she challenged, surprised. She glanced down at herself. “I already have on breeches and a shirt.”
He laughed again. Another half groan. As if he was facing the most tempting sweet and forced to deny himself. “You are far more comfortable than most ladies will be in their stays and their gowns and their coils of hair piled and pinned atop their head. That said, how do you feel within yourself?”
“Within myself?” she echoed, lost. What the blazes did he mean?
“Yes,” he affirmed. “Do you feel ill at ease in my company?”
She frowned, considering his question. “No. It is the oddest thing. I feel more myself with you than I think I have felt with anyone. Which is most upsetting, because…” She lifted her gaze to his and confessed, “I did promise myself to hate you forever.”
His brows rose with shock. “Did you? Whatever did I do?”
She cocked her head to the side. “You abandoned me, and you went off to Eton with my brother. And you never said another word to me. You ignored me when you returned.” She shook her head, still recalling how lonely she had felt then, even if she had forgiven him since. “I decided then you were the worst sort of fellow, and that you were my enemy above all things.”
“Are we enemies still?” he queried, his voice a rumble through the room.
“Funny old world, isn’t it? For you are my greatest ally now. I think of so many stories. So many plays. Enemies become allies who become friends who become—”
She stopped herself abruptly.
She’d been about to say “lovers,” because it was true. Throughout history, there had been enemies who became lovers to ensure the proper workings of things.
But she could not think of him as her lover. It would not do. It would be far too shocking beyond words to have a lover before she was married. And he was her brother’s best friend.
She swallowed; what a foolish thing to think. What a more foolish thing to almost say!
“Your cheeks are fairly ablaze, Jack,” he observed, his eyes darkening.
“Are they?” She forced a smile. “The fire is exceptionally hot.”
“What thoughts caused your cheeks to heat so?” he challenged, clearly not believing her excuse. “You can tell me anything. Unburden yourself.”
“If you must know,” she began, her heart thundering at her breast, “I was thinking about you being my lover.”
A muscle tightened in his cheek, and he did not reply. But there was the slightest expansion of his hard chest as he drew in a breath.
“I know I shouldn’t admit it to you,” she rushed on, desperate to explain. “It is incredibly embarrassing, but it is the thought that went through my head. Because you’re about to teach me to be captivating. And I imagined—”