I listen as her breathing evens out and her body relaxes into mine completely. So soft, so fucking perfect. I stay awake for a while longer, wrapping my mind around the fact that I’m finally holding her in my arms again. I knew this day would come; I tried to fight it and leave her be, but deep down I always knew I had to take her back. I know we aren’t the same people we used to be, but my feelings for her never changed. The once shy, obedient teenager, has turned into a feisty young woman and I still love her. Maybe even more than I did. Now the question is, can she ever love the man I’ve become?
The man I’ve become….
I let the words run through my head, knowing they are a lie. I’ve always been like this, maybe not totally insane with a lust for bloodshed and to rid the world of worthless pieces of shit, but I was definitely a bit darker than others my age. When I was younger, I was just better at hiding it. I was able to hold on to that innocent youth look for a while, but the older I got the more that vanished.
Xander Rossi saw me for what I was the very first time we met. He urged me into working for Ivan, because he knew what I was, what I am now. A natural killer. And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since. I carry out hits for the Rossi Family. In the beginning I told myself I’d do it to get rid of scum like Joseph. Kill the people who hurt Grace and my sister. But the truth is, I like my job, not only because I’m good at it but because I like the power that comes with it and the rush it gives me. I like delivering the last blow, being the person that extinguishes the light in someone.
Grace nuzzles deeper into my side then, drawing me out of my thoughts. I stare at the ceiling for a long second.
Could I do better for her? If need be, could I be less of a killer, and more of a lover? I know she’s scared. I know what she sees when she looks at me, and I don’t want her to see that. I just want her to see me. The man who still loves her, the man that always loved her.
3
Grace
There’s a pounding behind my closed lids, and my mouth is impossibly dry. It also feels like someone’s wrapped me up in a blanket that’s as hot as the damn sun. On top of it, I had the weirdest dream last night. Someone broke into my apartment and then, Luke, my once knight in shining armor showed up and shot the guy, all before kidnapping me.
How crazy of a dream is that?
The second I blink my eyes open and take in the unfamiliar hotel room I realize that it wasn’t a dream, but my new reality. Holy shit, Luke really did kill someone and kidnap me. The thoughts cause my pulse to quicken and I try to move but then remember I’m handcuffed to the headboard with Luke’s body plastered to my backside, giving me very little room to move.
Oh my god, Luke. My heart sinks into my stomach remembering the events from last night. How he touched me…and how I liked it. How I craved and turned into molten lava as he whispered dirty words in my ear. I nearly curse myself for giving into him so fast. Weak. I’m so weak, all he had to do was touch me and I melted into his embrace. Leaning into him instead of trying to get away.
I won’t let him fool me again. I have to remember the real him, the man I saw that night in the basement of the church, because the guy I fell in love with doesn’t exist. He never did…he was merely a lie. A lie that I once believed but never will again.
Closing my eyes, I try and ignore how good this feels, his firm, muscled body pressed up against mine, how his hand felt between my legs last night. My lower belly tightens with warmth at the thought. No! God, no. I’m just sex deprived, that’s all. I don’t really want Luke. I just crave human contact. I don’t want his hands, or his tongue, or even his lips on my body. I squeeze my eyes shut willing myself to stop thinking about him like that.
He broke your heart, you idiot. He never loved you.
“Are you thinking about my finger inside you last night?” His sleepy voice caresses my ear, startling me and soothing me all at once.
“No,” I lie. “I’m thinking about how I’m going to pee the bed unless you uncuff me and let me use the bathroom, right now.”