“What if,” he murmurs between kisses. “What if we’re friends who get each other off but don’t fuck around with anyone else?”
It’s hard to consider the offer sensibly while he’s distracting me with his mouth, so I pull back to catch my breath. Something settles inside me at the idea that he won’t be hooking up with anyone else and I nod. “Okay. Casual, but just us.”
I swear Sol rolls his eyes a little, but before I can be sure, his mouth is on mine again and everything else melts away.
SOL
“How are things going with Wes?”
Zak’s question has my pulse racing as I glance around the gym locker room. There are a few guys chatting or getting dressed but none seem to have heard his question.
“The fundraiser?” Zak clarifies, his lips slipping into a bemused smile.
“Oh.” I exhale. “Yeah. Really good. Six of the fifteen tables are full already. We’re meeting today to go over the auction list.”
Zak nods. “I’ve heard there are some pretty epic things on that list.”
“Really?” I bark a laugh. “Because the list hasn’t been made yet, so that’s good to know.”
Despite going five times a week, I haven’t run into Wes at the gym again. I’m almost tempted to ask him what time he comes, but then he’d know I was planning on coming at the same time and he’d probably change. My entire body thrums at the thought of him, my breath catching in my throat. It’s been four days since the party and, although he’s still a little distant, we’ve been texting more often. We’ve even met for lunch twice. Unfortunately, it was all business and at Grinds, so I didn’t get more than a squeeze of the knee under the table, but it’s fine.
“Ready?” I ask, swinging my gym bag over my shoulder.
Zak nods and we head out into the cold. I only have one class today, so I’m planning on a bit of studying in the warmth of the Den before heading to my meeting with Wes. A flicker of hope ignites in my belly, but I try to ignore it.
“Okay, now we’re alone,” Zak says, bumping shoulders with me as we head down the path. “How are things with Wes?”
I sigh. “Fine.”
“Fine?” Zak raises his thick eyebrows. “With a sigh like that? That doesn’t sound fine.”
“It is what it is.”
“What it is, is stupid,” Zak grumbles. “If you’re only seeing each other, it’s dating. For a such a smart guy, Wes is fucking delusional.”
I try and muster a smile but fail. When I told Zak and Alex about what happened on Saturday, they were outraged.
“He’s using you,” Zak huffs. “I don’t like it.”
Another sigh builds in my chest. “We’re using each other.”
He shakes his head and although I know he wants to push it, he lets it drop. Both he and Alex agree, but I don’t. Wes isn’t like that. Or at least, I’m pretty sure he’s not. Doubt starts to creep in, but I shove it down. It doesn’t matter. If he wants to use me, he can. After all, that’s what all this is about, right? I’m trying to figure out my attraction to him. To men.
To be honest, I’ve been more than distracted by Wes since my revelation, but I have started to think more carefully about when I look at other people. For example, the meeting with the dean. Before Wes, I would have agreed when the girls swooned over him, saying he was good looking. But now, I realize it’s more than surface level appreciation. Dean Mason is hot. There are a couple of other guys on campus I’ve realized I’m physically attracted to as well, although they’re all straight as far as I know. Not that I’m looking for anything. I might be finally learning to understand my body and brain’s reaction, but there’s only one man I have any real interest in.
“I’m just worried,” Zak says quietly as the Den comes into view.
“Worried?”
He slows his steps and raises his hand to scrunch his still damp, tight curls. “I’m worried he’s going to hurt you.”
“That’s why we’re keeping it casual,” I explain for what feels like the hundredth time. “He can’t hurt me.”
Zak stops abruptly and I turn to face him in question. “You say that, but I know you, man. You’re already in way too deep.”
“Fuck off,” I scoff. “I barely know the guy. If he breaks things off, I’ll only be sad because I didn’t get laid.”
The flippant words taste bitter on my tongue like the lie that they are. Zak stares at me with narrowed eyes, clearly seeing right through me. He’s always been able to read me better than I can read myself. But even though he hears the lie, he lets it go and starts walking again.