The only thing that remains the same is Elyse in my arms. Her small, warm body molded to mine, her head using my chest as a pillow. She must have snuck back in here sometime last night. I can’t believe I didn’t wake up. I should wake her up or carry her back to the bed. This is bad. I’ve already let this go way too far. I need to make her understand we need to keep a distance between us.
Glancing down at her half-covered face, looking like an angel, I can’t bring myself to wake her up. I watch her sleep for almost an hour…and could have watched a few hours more.
Her breathing changes, and she stirs on top of me, stretching her sleepy limbs and rubbing her leg against my already stiff dick.
“I really need you to get off me…” Before I bend you over the couch and fuck you senseless.
“What’s wrong?” she asks in a sleepy voice.
Is she trying to play fucking innocent with me, like she doesn’t really know what she’s doing? I push her up with me so we can both sit instead of laying on top of one another. “You can’t keep doing this, okay?” I try to keep my voice calm, not wanting to yell at her first thing in the morning. Hell, if I had it my way, I’d never yell at her, but she keeps pushing me, testing my damn boundaries.
“Why can’t we sleep together in the bed?” she deadpans, as if I hadn’t already told her why.
“I already explained this to you. I told you what this was from the very beginning. Only sex, no cuddling after, no emotional shit. Nothing.” Now, I’m pissed. Why is she making this so hard? Why can’t she just listen to me? I want to throttle her, shake her until it all makes sense to her.
Before I can, she shakes her head at me, dismissing my words as if she never heard them. “Stop! Stop pretending like there’s nothing between us and this doesn’t mean anything to you.” She gestures to the space between us. “Stop pretending I don’t mean anything to you.” Defeat coats her words.
“You don’t…” Saying the words hurts so fucking much, but I force them out anyway and continue digging my own grave. “You mean nothing to me, Elyse. Nothing. How many times do I need to tell you this before you get it into your head? Or are you just too fucking stupid to understand?”
The air between us sizzles. I know I’ve made a mistake the moment I see her tiny hand headed toward my face. I don’t even have a chance to brace for the slap.
The flat of her palm connects with my cheek and the sound of skin slapping skin resonates through the room. My cheek burns and stings upon impact.
Her slap may have hurt, but nothing hurts more than the look in her eyes.
Fury and sadness reflect back at me as the next words fall from her lips. “You think this is what your mom would have wanted for you? You pretending to be an asshole so you can hide your real feelings? You think she would’ve wanted this life for you? To treat me this way?” The tears swim in her eyes, but she’s strong, stronger than I’ve ever seen her.
Well, she’s going to need to be stronger if she wants to win this. “My mother is dead, so I don’t think often about what she would think of me, and even if she were alive, it’s not like it would matter. I killed a man in cold blood, Elyse. I literally beat the shit out of him with my bare hands and strangled him until he stopped breathing. I highly doubt she would bat an eyelash at the way I’m treating you now.” My voice is neutral even though I’m dying on the inside, one single sliver away from breaking down and apologizing.
Elyse doesn’t deserve this treatment, not after growing up the way she did. She needs love, affection, a man worthy of her time, and I am not him. The little shit show with Damon proved that much.
I’m going one way, and she’s going another.
“Well…” she hiccups, and I pray to god she doesn’t start crying. I’m already clenching my fists so tight, the muscles ache. The last thing I need is to fucking lash out and break something, and that will happen if she starts crying.
“I think your mom would expect more from you, and I think if she were here, she’d want you to be happy. You protected her, you were her hero, and now…” She pauses briefly, her chest heaving. “Now, you’re mine. Even if you don’t want to be, you’re mine.”
I can’t do this with her—I can’t. Shoving from the couch, I stride across the room with purpose, my fist begging for something to hit. I walk into the kitchen and lean against the counter, my thoughts swirling…all of them about Elyse.