Without thought I reach for her just as she leans in my direction, like she’s expecting me. I curl my hand around her nape and pull her mouth to mine. Her soft lips part easily and I delve my tongue inside, my dick instantly hard. It doesn’t take much for Amanda to arouse me.
It never really has.
She breaks the kiss first, even more breathless now. “We’re making out in the parking lot of my work.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I touch her cheek, stroke her jaw. Her skin is soft. Silky. Her lips are plump, a little red from our kiss.
So I kiss her again.
“A very bad thing,” she says after she pulls away from me. “I already feel like I’m on their shit list for asking about taking vacation time at such short notice.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She worries about a lot of things, and I wish she didn’t. I’m probably overstepping my boundaries, but I want her to know that since she’s with me, she has nothing to worry about. I’ll take care of her every need.
If she’ll let me.
“I’m just glad they approved my vacation request,” she says.
“Me too.” I relinquish my hold on her and she settles in her seat, smiling over at me as she puts on her seat belt. “Ready to go?” I ask her.
“Yes, please. Get me out of here before you start kissing me again.” She’s teasing. I can tell by the smile on her face. How her dark eyes are sparkling.
Smiling in return, I put the car in reverse and back out of the space, then make my way toward the exit. “If you’re lucky, I’ll be doing a lot more than kissing you later.”
She goes quiet for a moment, finally speaking up when I pull onto the freeway. “I thought we were going to take this slow.”
I can’t believe she wants to. Seriously, what’s the point? We were together before, and it was good. Great, actually. Until she gave up, and I let her.
Well, I’m not going to let her any longer. What we had before was worth fighting for. What we potentially have now—I can’t give up. I can’t let it go.
And I definitely don’t want to move slow.
“We’ve been together before,” I start, and she’s already talking.
“Exactly, so we should learn from our mistakes,” she points out.
“We were young,” I counter, shooting her a quick look. She’s watching me, an incredulous expression on her face. Like she can’t believe we’re having this conversation right now. Guess that makes two of us, because I can’t believe it either. “We didn’t know what we had until we didn’t have it any longer.”
“Do you really believe that?” Her voice is quiet, and I swear she sounds surprised.
“I do.” I want to punch the steering wheel in frustration. This is the last place I want to talk about this. We should be having it at my house. Or hers. Alone, face to face, sharing our secret feelings.
Instead, I’m driving in rush hour traffic, barely able to look at her.
“Are you trying to say that ours was the most meaningful relationship you’ve ever had?” Her voice squeaks on the last word.
“Yes. It was. I’ve always had a thing for you, Mandy. You know this.”
“A thing? Like what? A crush when you were twelve? Thirteen? That’s different than an adult relationship, you know. I had a crush on you too. A meaningless one at first, because I truly believed there was no way you’d be interested in me. In fact, I knew you wouldn’t be interested in me, because you were you and I was…me.” She ends her ramble with a sigh.
“Yet I was interested. I was always interested.” From the moment I started to notice girls, I noticed Amanda first. Seventh grade science class is where my crush turned into full-fledged yearning.
There’s no other word for it. I yearned for that girl like some sort of sap in those awful romantic comedy movies. When you’re thirteen, that shit is embarrassing. When you’re eighteen, that shit drives you to make the girl of your dreams the girl of your reality.
I had my moments. I wasn’t perfect. I did some stupid stuff that I regret. But once Amanda and I were committed, I was all in. I firmly believed we were it for each other. I didn’t want anyone else.
Just Amanda.
I may have had other women since we broke up, but she’s always haunted my thoughts. I’ve only had one other serious relationship besides Amanda, and that one went nowhere. I cared about Mia, but I realized after we split that I wasn’t in love with her.