“We totally were,” she says, her voice faint.
I say nothing. It’s so much easier to clamp up. Shut down. I lean in and kiss her gently, communicating with my lips what I can’t say with words.
Take a chance on me.
Take a chance on us.
Hopefully she’ll listen to what I’m trying to say.
Come to the game with me this weekend.
The text from Jordan is a simple request, but the deeper message behind his words is one that scatters my thoughts into immediate chaos.
He wants me to go to Tampa Bay this weekend. To watch him while he plays. To possibly sleep with him in his hotel room at night, but let’s be real—sleep is code for having sex. Which in turn, means we’re going to actually have sex.
We’ve done it before. It should be no big deal. But he’s gone on to have sex with supermodels and I’ve gone on to have sex with…regular guys. Not even enough to count on one hand. Will I measure up?
Does he think we’re moving too fast? Do I seem too easy? I did, after all, grind on his dick until I came on his jeans. Talk about immature.
My cheeks are hot just thinking about last night. Worse, I never, uh, serviced him in return. I’m the most selfish, orgasm-seeking monster on this planet.
“What are you reading that’s got you looking like that?”
The familiar voice startles me and I drop my phone onto the table with a clatter, glancing up to find Cade watching me with an amused look on his face.
He is the last person I want to see right now. Lena already gave me a lecture this morning about how I need to let Cade know that I’m not interested in him beyond being his friend, and I know she’s right, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
I also know I can’t string him along. That’s not right. Not at all.
“Nothing really,” I say, keeping my voice purposely casual. I turn my phone over so neither of us can see if Jordan texts me again. I took a late lunch since it’s been so busy today, and I’m in the lunchroom eating a sandwich I packed that isn’t very good. It sits forgotten on the table beside my phone, and I grab it, rewrapping the sandwich in aluminum foil and then balling it up. I’ll toss it in the trash when I leave the breakroom.
“How’ve you been?” Cade doesn’t bother asking if he can sit with me. Instead he pulls a chair out and plops his butt in it, smiling at me. “Crazy morning, huh?”
“Very,” I agree, flinching when my phone buzzes again. My fingers crawl toward the phone like I have no control of them, but I don’t pick it up.
I refuse to look at it in
Cade’s presence.
“Can’t believe it’s already Thursday,” he says.
“Same,” I say weakly. More like it’s only Thursday and my life has completely and totally changed in a matter of a few days.
“So.” His hesitation is like a warning, and I know without a doubt he’s going to ask me out. “What are you up to this weekend?”
What is up with the men in my life trying to be a part of my weekend plans? What’s even crazier is that I go from having zero attention from any guy to two of them trying to get all up in my business in a matter of minutes.
“I’m not sure yet,” I say haltingly, which is the absolute truth.
“Want to get together? Check out a movie, maybe?” He’s smiling. His eyes are sparkling. Cade is a very attractive man.
But after everything that’s happened with Jordan, and realizing my feelings for him never really died, I know Cade is not the man for me.
“Cade…” My voice drifts and I sit up straighter. His smile fades, and I know he knows I’m about to turn him down. “I’d like to go to the movies with you, but I’m actually—seeing someone else.”
Making that declaration causes my heart to start racing. The words are out there. I’ve just turned Cade down because I am involved with Jordan. Again. I’m trying my best to fight against it, yet the doubt is there. Taking residence in my brain.
You’ve gone down this road before and failed—sure you want to do it again?