Knowing that he told me about the car racing when no one else that he’s close to in his life does, made me feel special. As if he were giving me a little gift. A gift of his past.
I probably should’ve shared a story with him as well, but what about? The up-and-down relationship with my father? How my mother neglects me most of the time? The age difference between my older brothers and me and how disconnected I feel to them sometimes. How much I miss Crew while he’s away at Lancaster Prep, though I don’t think he feels the same way about me?
My family is not one to discuss emotions. It’s almost as if we don’t have them. There weren’t a lot of “love yous” shared by my parents growing up. Not a lot of encouragement either. Plenty of “You’re a Lancaster. You can do it” type comments, but that was it.
No wonder I have issues. I cling to Perry’s attention and soak it up like he might abandon me at any moment.
“Miss?” Jasper urges and I realize he’s waiting for an answer.
Grabbing my phone, I check the time. “It’s only ten thirty. I ate breakfast not even an hour ago.”
“It wasn’t much. You might grow hungry and want an early lunch.” Jasper clasps his hands behind his back and studies me. “I must say your honeymoon left you with a lovely glow, miss.” He frowns. “I probably shouldn’t call you that, now that you’re a married woman.”
My Jasper is so proper. “Call me by my name.”
He makes a face. “I couldn’t. That’s too—familiar.”
“Jasper.” I roll my eyes. “We’ve known each other a long time. I think it’s okay if you call me Charlotte.”
“Mrs. Constantine is what I should call you.”
This immediately makes me think of Caroline. “And now I sound like my mother-in-law, when that is the last thing I want.”
Jasper chuckles and my phone buzzes at the same time, indicating I got a text. I check who it’s from.
Unknown number:I miss you.
My heart drops, and for a second, I think it might be my husband who said that.
I wish.
Me:Who is this?
Unknown number:Think about it,a runsearc.
My entire body goes cold at the endearment. I remember looking it up after he said it to me, and the literal meaning is secret love, which makes sense considering he didn’t want anyone to know about us.
God, I was clueless. Young and naïve and just so stupid. I should’ve known then that it was a red flag.
Me:Stop texting me.
Unknown number:I don’t see how you can barely know a man yet marry him in a matter of weeks.
Me:You don’t know me anymore. I don’t think you ever really did.
Unknown number:I know you better than anyone. Especially that kid you consider your husband.
Me:He IS my husband and he’s not a kid.
Unknown number:Compared to me he is.
That’s true. Seamus is in his thirties. He probably has a solid ten years on Perry.
What was I doing, falling for Seamus’s lies when I was in Paris? So starved for affection I gave it up to the first man who showed me attention. A much older man with a prestigious position and a beautiful girlfriend who wanted to be his wife.
I was a complete idiot.
“I’m going to prepare you a nice salad,” Jasper says, making me glance up from my phone. “I’ll put it in the refrigerator when I’m done and you can eat it whenever you’re ready. Just let me know.”