“I lied to you about working at City Lights because I didn’t want you to think less of me,” she admits, her voice soft in the quiet, dark night.
Her words wake me up completely and I blink up at the ceiling. “Yeah?”
“I was afraid you wouldn’t like me if you knew I was a topless waitress. Or that you’d think I was nothing but a big joke. A slut. A whore.” She lifts her head, propping her arm across my chest so she can look at me. I can barely make out her features in the darkness, but I see the whites of her eyes, and can tell just how serious she is. “I hate that I lied to you.”
“It’s okay.” I rest my hand on top of her head, stroking her hair. “I understand why you did it.”
“I don’t like hiding pieces of me from you. But it’s something I’ve always done, with everyone.” She ducks her head, her face in my chest, and my hand falls away from her. “There’s a lot of stuff I’ve done that I’m ashamed of.”
“Can I be real with you right now, like you’re being with me?” I ask her.
She lifts her head once more, nodding.
“I don’t like your job. I don’t like the idea of guys staring at your naked chest while you serve them drinks.” It makes me feel possessive in the worst possible way. Like I want to kick ass and destroy people. “But I respect your choices. You did what you had to do to make money and survive. Who am I to judge you for that?”
“You’re too good to be true,” she whispers, her voice shaky, her eyes glassy. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t say that.” I touch her cheek, stroke my fingers along her velvety-soft skin. “I hate it when you put yourself down.”
“It’s true, Rhett. I’ve made terrible choices. I’ve done things that could…hurt you. I want to tell you everything, but I can’t. Not yet.”
Unease slips down my spine, but I fight against it. I can’t judge her. She’s being honest with me, which is exactly what I want. Getting mad won’t solve anything. It will only make the situation worse. “Take your time. Tell me whenever you’re ready, and I’ll be here.”
“You are here for me, aren’t you? You really are.” She slides up, until we’re hip-to-hip, chest-to-chest, face-to-face. Eye-to-eye. “You’re the first person to ever do that for me.”
I frown. “Do what?”
“Be there for me. No one ever has been before.”
I cup the back of her head once more, threading my fingers through her thick, silky hair. “I really doubt that—”
“No, it’s true.” She rests her fingers against my lips, silencing me. “I kept pushing you away, yet you always came back. I didn’t understand why. I still don’t.” She traces my upper lip with her index finger, her gaze thoughtful.
I kiss her fingertips and they fall away from my mouth. “Maybe it’s because I don’t want to give up on you.”
“Everyone else does.”
She seems so sad, so down, and I hate it. Why does she act like her life is always such a disappointment? I don’t know enough about her past to understand, not completely, and I don’t think it’s safe to ask yet. “Not me.”
“I know, and I’ve grown to appreciate you.” Jensen takes a deep breath, like she’s working up the nerve to say something. “I’m broken, I know I am. I’ve told you before that I’m…not nice. You make me want to be a better person, Rhett, but I don’t know if that’s possible. And I just wanted to warn you that I might hurt you. No matter what you eventually find out, no matter what you see or hear or read, you need to know that right now, tonight, I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I haven’t wanted to for a while.”
I kiss her. She’s talking nonsense. I don’t get why she’s trying to tell me all this shit. It’s kind of freaking me out, when the logical part of my brain is telling me she’s just being dramatic. “You can’t hurt me,” I whisper against her lips. “I won’t allow it.”
“You can’t control everything either, Rhett,” she reminds me, her lips on my cheek, my neck. I really fucking love it when she kisses my neck, and she knows it.
Our conversation gives way to kissing, which gives way to actually having sex, which is a typical night for us.
But I can’t help but think much later, long after Jensen’s fallen asleep in my arms and I’m wide awake at two in the morning, remembering everything she said…
And wondering if maybe I should actually take her advice.
Our local Cheesecake Factory is huge, located right by the biggest mall in town. It’s always crowded, even on a Wednesday night, and we’re late to dinner, which I know will piss my dad and Diane off.
But when I picked Jensen up at her friend’s apartment, I took one look at her standing in the doorway in her black sweater dress that hugs every curve and shows off her long legs, and I knew I had to have her. I pushed my way inside the apartment, lifted up her skirt, tore off her panties and fucked her right there against the door.
“Um, Savannah is at work,” she told me after we both came, my jeans around my ankles, her dress bunched up under her breasts, making both of us crack up. I didn’t even think of Savannah seeing us like that. Apparently neither did Jensen.
It took a few minutes for us to put ourselves back together. Jensen fixed her hair and even had to reapply some of her makeup, though I told her she was beautiful enough and didn’t need it. She seemed nervous, even a little shaky, though usually sex relaxes her, which is why I went for it.