Maybe this girl is too much trouble. Maybe she won’t be worth the heartache.
“If you’re sticking around because you think you can fix me, you’re wrong.” She pulls on the black leggings she’d been wearing earlier, forgetting all about her panties. “I’m unfixable.”
“I don’t want to fix you.” I touch her arm, and she pauses, her gaze meeting mine. “I told you, I have no expectations.”
Her brows wrinkle. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
I throw my arms up in the air, frustrated as shit. “What do you want me to say? You want me to tell you I’m just using you for sex? That seems to piss you off. Or should I say that I care about you and think I could fall in love with you? I’m guessing that would probably piss you off even more.”
I’m not sure if I mean either scenario. Sex with Jensen is amazing. But I also like talking with her. Even arguing with her. It all feels like foreplay. But could I fall in love with her? I don’t know. Considering I don’t trust her, that’s a huge barrier.
She grabs her sweatshirt off the floor and puts it on, leaving her bra on the floor. “Do we really have to define this? Whatever’s happening between us?”
“I don’t know. Do we?”
A sigh escapes her and she looks away, wrapping her arms around herself like she’s suddenly cold. It’s warm and stuffy in my room, and I’m tempted to open the window despite the fact I’m standing here buck ass naked.
“One minute all I want is to feel your skin pressed against mine and the next I want to punch you in your perfect face,” she murmurs, her gaze lifting to mine. “You frustrate me.”
“You frustrate me too.”
“I don’t want to like you.”
“I don’t understand why.”
“You are everything I should hate.”
I flinch, shocked at the passion behind the word hate. “What did I ever do to you?”
“Not the literal you, the figurative you. The kind of guy you are,” she explains.
“You’re making zero sense,” I tell her, and now it’s her turn to throw her arms up in the air.
“Because you confuse the hell out of me!” She comes at me, and shoves at my shoulders with both hands, making me take a step back. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. Well, I did, but I didn’t think I’d like you so damn much.”
“So you…what? Wanted a hookup and can’t believe that I’m actually decent human being?” She talks in circles. Acts like she had some sort of plan with me yet I’m the one who messed it all up.
“Yes! That. Exactly that.” She grips my shoulders, her fingers sliding down my skin. “You’re actually nice, Rhett. I didn’t expect that.”
“Then why would you even be interested in me, if you thought I was an asshole?”
“I’ve always been attracted to assholes.” She settles on the edge of the mattress, her entire body seeming to sag under the weight of her emotions. “The first guy I ever had sex with could burp the entire alphabet.”
I start to laugh, but when I spot the serious expression on her face, I stop. “What a talented dude.”
“He was a douche. The minute we started having actual intercourse, I was full of regret. But it was done. Couldn’t take it back.” She offers me a small smile. “The story of my life. I can’t take it back, no matter how much I want to.”
“Do you regret all of your sexual encounters?”
“The ones from when I was a kid, yeah. They were meaningless.” Her gaze locks with mine, her blue eyes stormy. “I’m not good with my feelings. Expressing them.”
I’m no expert either. Growing up essentially motherless will do that to a person. Diane claimed she wanted to be a mom to us, but she just said that to appease our father. When Park and I got older, she neglected us big time, especially me. None of us mattered. She only cared about the money.
Still does.
Jensen is so bottled up, so tense and jumpy, I can tell she’s not comfortable with expressing any kind of emotion.
“Why not?” I kneel in front of her, resting my hands on her knees. “I know your mom is gone. Your father passed away. You have no brothers or sisters. Was it really that bad, just living with your father?”