She doesn’t trust me and of course she is right not to, God knows I’ve broken her trust in ways I’m not ready to tell her.
“So where does that leave us?” she asks before I can muster up a response to her previous question. Sucking in a deep breath, I let her sweet vanilla scent waft into my nose while I think of what to say to her.
Where does that leave us?
I feel like my brain has just been run through a blender. What can I say or do to make her understand how serious I am about fixing this?
I wish I could guarantee that the person she’s seen the last few weeks won’t reappear ever again, but how could I possibly promise that? It’s not like I can flip a switch and turn that part of me off. I’ve lived this way for three years and as much as I want everything to just go back to the way it was…the way we were, I know it’s an unrealistic thought.
Still, I’m not going to give up on her, on us. We’ve both changed, but that doesn’t mean the feelings between us have, last night being evidence of that.
By the time I park in front of her place, I still haven’t come up with anything to say.
“I’ll see you at class, okay?” There’s a dismal look in her eyes as she opens the passenger side door and gets out. I want to give her all the answers she seeks, but I just… I can’t.
I don’t know what to do yet.
“Jules…wait, can we talk after class?”
She pokes her head back into the car for a moment. “Sure,” she tells me with a little smile on her lips, before closing the car door and jogging up to her front door. I watch her ass sway in her tight jeans as she walks away from me.
Friends?
I don’t know if I can be just her friend and hold on to my sanity.
I want her…all of her.
Making a pit stop at the frat house to get my own books for class, I climb up the stairs, grab my shit and walk out, I’m nearing the door when Thomas stops me in the kitchen.
“Hey Rem, have you seen Cole?” Just hearing his name makes me murderous.
“No, man, no clue what’s going on with him.” I try to keep my voice even. Hiding the anger within me. I’ve got a pretty good idea where he is and I definitely know why he hasn’t shown his face around here, but I don’t want to share that information for a plethora of reasons.
“I’ve got to get to class, catch up with you later?”
Thomas gives me a nod, and I rush out before he can ask me any other questions that I don’t want to answer. I start my walk across campus and to English class. When I pass the coffee shop on the corner, I check my phone for the time and decide it’d be worth arriving late to class for. I order my usual and before I even realize what I’m doing, I’m ordering something for Jules too. When I walk into the classroom, most of the other students are already in their seats, even though class hasn’t started yet.
Overachievers.
Walking to the back of the class where Jules is already writing who knows what in her notebook. She’s still a total nerd and if I had to guess I’d say she has her schoolwork color-coded and alphabetized. My eyes roam over the rest of the room and right behind her sits Layla, smiling seductively while batting her eyelashes at me. Her gaze drops to the two coffee cups in my hand, her smile widening.
She probably thinks one of them is for her. Tough shit, like I would buy her coffee. Walking over to Jules’ row, I stop at the seat beside her. There’s a guy sitting next to her, a guy I don’t know, nor do I care to know.
“Hey, find somewhere else to sit,” I order him.
He looks up at me in shock, ready to complain or maybe even tell me off, but after a few seconds he just gets up, mumbling something under his breath.
That’s what I thought.
Plopping down into the seat next to her, I look over to find her staring at me. Her nose snarled upward in distaste. Cute. Cute as fuck.
“What are you doing? You can’t just make people move, Remmy.”
“Looks like I just did.” I chuckle.
Jules stares at me expressionless and I decide to change the subject.
“I brought you a drink.” I grin, holding the hot paper cup out to her. She glances at the cup and then back up to my face.
“I don’t like coffee,” she announces like I don’t already know that.
“I know.” I roll my eyes at her. As if I didn’t know that she hates coffee. Best friends since we were five and she thinks I could just forget the simplest things about her.