A knock on the door pulls me from my fantasy world. This isn’t going to be good. I look up, just as the door comes swinging open and Cally walks in. I wipe the tears staining my cheeks with the back of my hands as if that would make them disappear. Anybody with eyes can see I’ve been crying from a mile away and that I’m on the verge of a mental break down.
“I thought you were packing not looking at pic…” Her words catch in her throat when she looks down at the pictures spread out across my bed. Her green eyes go wide with shock and maybe even a little confusion and for a moment she just stares with her mouth gaping open.
“Is that…?” She closes her mouth and blinks as if she can’t really believe what she was just about to ask, or what she’s seeing.
“Cally…I never meant to hurt you. I know you like him…it’s hard not to, believe me, I know, but I’ve loved Remmy since we were kids… since before I knew what love even was.”
“You’ve known him since you were kids? And you really do have a brother?”
I nod my head in response.
“These pictures are from when we were growing up. We used to be neighbors. He was best friends with my brother and me. There was a time when I couldn’t even imagine not having them in my life and now, I have neither of them.”
“What happened?” Her question is like a knife to the gut, and I find myself gulping, for air, for words to answer her question, for a damn reason as to why it all fell apart.
Is there really an answer to what happened? I’ve always looked at it as a learning curve to life. I couldn’t stop my parents from getting a divorce, from my mother working, or my father moving away. I couldn’t stop our friendship, or mine and Remington’s love from crumbling to pieces. There was literally nothing I could do to save us, and I think he knew it too. I think he knew it and so he hurt me before I could hurt him.
“We moved, is the short answer. My brother is a story for another day.” I give her a sad smile. I don’t dare mention the fact that Remington’s mother leaving only made matters worse. She chose liquor over her children, and the person it hurt most was Remington because when no one else in their family believed she would get better, he did. He believed so much he thought he could make her better, he thought he could fix her…but, in the end, he couldn’t.
“Well, that explains a lot, I guess.” Her tone tells me there is more to what she is saying, and I can’t help but wonder what I am missing.
“What do you mean?”
She looks at me sheepishly. “Well, Remington texted me to meet up with him yesterday. I thought he wanted to hang out, but he wouldn’t shut up about you. I figured it was because of what happened earlier that day… I mean, I like him, Jules, but having a crush on someone and loving them are two completely different worlds.”
And boy did I know that.
When I don’t say anything she says, “I’m really sorry, I didn’t see this before.”
“I don’t blame you, you didn’t know, and I don’t expect you to understand. I just don’t want you thinking I was trying to steal him out from underneath you. I’m not like that. The only reason I didn’t say anything is because chances are Remington and I will never be anything more than enemies now. He hates me, and he’s pretty close to achieving his goal of making me hate him back.”
Cally frowns. “Since he started school here, he’s been lost, angry at the world. He’s a really sweet guy sometimes, but only when he wants something. But if he’s not fucking you, then he generally doesn’t want anything to do with you.”
“I know. I discovered that really quickly. I made the mistake of hugging him on my first day. He doesn’t like to be touched…”
“Looking at these pictures, it seems he didn’t always used to be that way. I mean he’s hugging you and holding your hand in quite a few of those images.” She pauses, smiling at me, and I know we’re back to being on the same page again.
“I don’t know if it’s true, but I heard a rumor that he never kisses the girls he screws. Maybe that has something to do with you?” She lifts her eyebrows in question, like I could provide her with an answer.
A nervous knot forms in my belly. I doubt what she is saying is true, how could you have sex with someone and not kiss them, ever? Remington doesn’t take me as the type of guy to not kiss a woman. Then I think back to his reaction from when I kissed him… how cold he was at first…how unresponsive. I thought maybe it was because he didn’t want to kiss me, but now maybe it was because of something else entirely.