“We all take lives, okay? Some hurt more than others. Ralf wasn’t just some drugged up fucker. He was a brother. He was close to everyone, and that has to bother you.”
Resting his hand on the end of the shovel, Saint stared at the brother that he believed he was the closest to.
“Are you the same man who joined the club?”
“Fuck no.”
“I was going to leave the club. I wasn’t ever going to Prospect, and I had an out of Sinners’ Corner. Mom and Elena were gone. I didn’t know shit had hit the fan then. Life, it was good.”
“What happened?”
“I didn’t leave fast enough. Then, I just couldn’t leave.”
“Is this one of the reasons you’ve never taken an old lady?”
“Her name was Natasha, and she was all mine. We met in school and stayed together all the way up to high school. She was the one I was going to leave town for.”
“You never left.”
“I never left, and I’m never going to leave. No other woman will ever match her.” Saint stared at Rage. “I don’t talk about feelings because I have none. You ever tell anyone about what we talked about here tonight, I will kill you.”
“Fuck, Saint.”
He went back to digging. Ralf had got what was coming to him. He had protected the club, and he’d protected his sister’s best friend.
Once they were finished, patting the ground over the body, Saint said a little prayer for the fallen brother. When they were at home, he was aware of the whole club watching him, but he ignored them. Going to the incinerator, he started to burn all the evidence of Ralf’s madness. He was aware of the club brothers standing around him as he added to the fire.
“The club is changing you, and you don’t even see it.”
“Saint, this man you’re becoming, he’s dangerous. I don’t trust you anymore. You don’t even see what you’re doing is wrong. I’ve got to go before you hurt me as well.”
Pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, he stared at the fire. There was no turning back now just like there was no turning back then. He was stuck.
****
Sarah glanced over at her man, and he was driving them toward the Saints and Sinners clubhouse. She had been to the clubhouse only a handful of times, and she’d never been called there before. Knife had woken her up this morning letting her know that they couldn’t stay in bed as Saint needed to see them.
“Are you okay?” Knife asked.
“Not really. Saint is fucking scary. He always has been.”
Knife chuckled. “We’ll handle it together, okay?” He grabbed her hand, and she was thankful for his comfort.
Leaning against his arm, she closed her eyes, and just basked in being close to him as he drove them toward the clubhouse.
The hum of the car and Knife’s presence were enough to calm her nerves.
“I love you,” she said, letting the words spill out.
She had been holding them back for some time now, and she opened her eyes, not knowing what to expect.
“That’s a relief, because I love you, too.” He kissed the top of her head. “I love you so much.”
They didn’t talk for the rest of the drive, and when they pulled into the parking lot of the Saints and Sinners, an air of foreboding settled around her.
It’s okay. Everything is okay.
“Pipe is here,” Knife said, parking the car.