“Will you marry me?” he asked.
She opened her eyes and the tears sprang forward.
“I’m sorry, Peter. I can’t accept this,” she told. She handed him back the engagement ring and moved away from the sofa.
“I’m pregnant with another mans child. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me but I can't burden you with this. That isn’t fair and I won’t do it.”
Since Dean had left she’d tried to move on and make it work and failed in every area. Yes, the town would quieten down if she married Peter and he accepted the responsibility of her baby. She didn’t want that. This wasn’t his baby and she loved him only as a friend. A friend didn’t do that to another friend. Peter had tried to stop the gossip, but she couldn’t accept his marriage proposal. Like a heroine out of her books, she was cursed to love only one man.
“You don’t have to answer right away,” he said.
She ran her fingers through her lank hair. No life in her body or her hair. She was nothing more than a glorified zombie.
“Peter. I told you before. He, Dean, may not want me but I love him. It wasn’t some stupid schoolgirl crush.” She stopped. Talking about him always brought tears to her eyes.
“He left, Laura,” he argued.
The tears fell as they always did. She’d sat at a distance as the men who helped him move came to collect his stuff. Laura stayed there until the ‘for sale’ sign appeared.
“I know that,” she shouted at Peter, turning back to him for the argument. Peter cared about her but he never understood the pain she was going through.
“Love isn’t like some football game you can just turn off. I know he’s older than me and damaged, but I can’t control whom I love. Dean Riley is the man my heart fell for and I watched him leave me as if I meant nothing.” She rubbed the tears from her eyes. They were falling thick and fast.
“Do you want me to say yes to you? To marry you, Peter? Give birth to your children and pretend to be happy? When my daughter asks me about love and to know in my heart the only man I ever loved is a gazillion miles away, do I tell her, 'but hey, I settled for your father?'” Laura stared at him. Her eyes filled with tears, her whole body shaking with pain and fear.
“Maybe you would feel something for me with time,” he said.
She hated herself. Peter was kind and gentle. He thought he loved her. She didn’t really know and she wasn’t the type of woman to dispute his emotions. Laura turned from him and went through to her room and grabbed her diary. He followed her inside.
“I care about you, Peter. Really, I do. You’ve read this before and I think you should read it again. I don’t need it anymore.” Laura handed over her diary and grabbed her bag. “I’m going to work. Don’t wait up for me.”
The walk to the diner was slow and exhausting. She rubbed away the tears from her eyes for the thousandth time. People walked past her and she felt their stares.
The diner was busy considering it was almost Christmas. The changing area was dead when she walked in. Her locker stood in the far corner.
She thought back over the past few months and how quickly her life had changed. About five months ago she’d stood in this very spot thinking about Dean Riley and her unbearable crush on him. Her feelings hadn’t changed. She loved him still and she wished with all of her heart she could forget him and move on and love Peter the way he deserved.
Laura made herself move to the diner, her uniform hung from her body from the weight loss. She went through the same motions, taking orders and pouring coffee. Nothing mattered to her anymore. The life she’d wanted ceased to exist. Even her writing had stopped.
For the rest of the night she tuned out her own pain and carried on with her work, disregarding the pain in her whole body. Her hands shook and every time she moved she felt dizzy. She was pouring more coffee into a mug when the world went black.
Chapter Eighteen
Dean sat at his kitchen table nursing a headache. Last night the final proofs for his story had been sorted and he’d hit the whisky, a little too hard. The sudden banging on the door made his head feel like exploding.
“I’m coming,” he croaked and walked the short distance in his apartment from kitchen to the front door.
Peter Miller stormed through the door.
“Why have you come here?” Dean asked the young man. The last conversation he had with him had resulted in the end of his world.
“Because I care about Laura. Since you’ve been gone, she doesn’t live anymore. She only exists,” Peter told him.
Shit. Dean couldn’t deal with this. Not now.
“You’re the one who said she could love you,” he said to Peter.
“I lied,” said Peter.