“I don’t know. I’d say as you’d gotten older, you’d grown used to it.”
She chuckled. “Are you kidding me? Even Martin, he always complained that I wouldn’t even accept a compliment.”
“Martin?”
The smile disappeared. “My ex.”
“My ex told me I was too psychologically damaged and I needed some serious therapy,” Noah said.
“Wow, really?”
He nodded. “Yep, so I took the therapy classes after our divorce. After all, she was the one cheating, not me. The doctor deemed that I was more than capable of dealing with the demons of the past. It had helped shape me into the man I am, but also, there was nothing dangerous about me.”
“You thought you were dangerous?”
“Skye, the other day in my office, I’m like that all the time. I have to be the one in control.”
“That’s not strange. A lot of guys like that.”
“I liked holding you down. Feeling your pulse against my fingers, knowing that I was the one in charge of if you breathed or not.”
“When you put it like that, it’s a little strange.”
“Then why are you aroused? I can see how hard your nipples are, and I know it’s not cold here.”
She had this incredible urge to cover her chest.
“I’ve only had two willing sexual partners in all of my life,” she said. “You and Martin, and … then I have a whole lot of bad memories, including him.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I never—” She stopped, glancing around the entire restaurant. “I never achieved orgasm with my ex. Martin. He was such a great guy. He’d flirt with me, and I wouldn’t even realize that he was flirting, that is how he was. He was always complimenting me. Marrying him was a dream come true.”
She stopped, staring at the menu in her hand. The prices were not on her menu, and she knew it would only insult Noah to ask how much something cost. “The sex was … good. It was nice. It wasn’t painful, and I could stand it. I mean, it’s a bit much when you sit back and think about something like that, and you think it’s okay because it doesn’t hurt and you’re not freaking out about it. I never achieved orgasm, ever.” She licked her lips. “Our arguments began when he found…” She glanced around the restaurant again. She didn’t even know why she was telling him this. It’s not like she owed him a single thing. “He found my lubricant.”
“Why would that cause arguments?”
She tucked some hair behind her ear, closing the menu. Her appetite was nonexistent right now anyway. “There were times I wasn’t even aroused by him.” She felt tears spring to her eyes. “I need to use the bathroom.” Getting to her feet, she made her way to the back of the restaurant, ignoring all the curious looks she was receiving. She knew they were all because of Noah. He commanded attention where she was often overlooked.
No one was in the bathroom. She gripped the edge of the sink, closed her eyes, and willed for the tears to stay at bay. It had been a long time since she cried over this. The last thing she wanted to do was to shed another tear. It was already embarrassing enough.
“Were you happy?” Noah asked.
She whirled around, shocked to see him standing there, in the bathroom.
“You can’t be in here.”
“I can be whatever the hell I want to be. I’ve got a guy watching the door. No one will interrupt us.”
“This isn’t right.”
“Answer my question before I get my PI to find this prick and I go and beat the living daylights out of him.”
“Noah, you don’t need to do that.”
“Then answer my question.”
“Yes, I was happy. I was as happy as I could be.” She blurted the words out, hating how vulnerable she sounded. “Martin made me laugh and feel loved. The problem was me. It was always me, and it will always be me.”
“You’re not a problem.”
“I couldn’t orgasm, Noah. If I felt any pleasure it was by my own hand. I couldn’t give him what he wanted, and when he found the lubricant, I think he expected some kinky stuff, and it wasn’t that. I knew he’d want sex at night. I mean, I’m a wife and it’s my duty and all that shit. I was often not interested in anything, so I’d put the lubricant on and hope that he didn’t notice how not aroused I was.”