I want to be mad, but I’m weak. Weak for Warren, weak for the possibility of a future together. All I’ve ever wanted was him, but can I forgive him for what he said, what he did?
“Can you at least talk to him? Just give him a chance to apologize?” Valerie sounds desperate, and if she’s desperate, that means this is bad.
“I think you should,” my mom pops her head in from the kitchen. “I always liked Warren when you guys were together, he was sweet to you, and he made you happy.”
Oh, if only she knew how things have changed.
“I don’t know…” It feels like I’m being tugged in two directions. One that’s telling me not to give in, and one that’s saying you’re already his. My eyes fall to my flat belly. We’re having a baby together, another human, that will need both of us.
It’s his baby too, and you might as well make things easier for yourself.
My mom nods her head as if she actually knows what I’m thinking about. I know it would be easier on my parents if I let Warren help out.
“All you have to do is listen to him talk. You don’t even have to respond if you don’t want to. Just hear him out…” It all weighs heavily on my shoulders like cement blocks. “Do it for the baby,” Valerie adds a second later.
“Fine,” I whisper in defeat, praying like hell that this isn’t going to be a mistake that blows up in my face. I’ve already made too many mistakes when it comes to Warren. I can’t keep doing this to myself, and now my baby.
“Awesome,” Valerie cheers and pushes to her feet. “Let’s go then.”
“Go? Like… when? As in now?”
“Yes, let’s go!” Valerie pulls me to my feet. The blanket falls away, and the cool air that kisses my skin makes me shiver.
“Okay, hold on. I need my shoes and a jacket.” I guess now is as good of a time as ever, no point in delaying the inevitable.
My dad appears out of nowhere, holding my jacket out to me, while my mom brings me my shoes. Are they trying to get rid of me? I slip into my shoes and pull on my jacket, zipping it all the way to the top.
“Did you drive here?”
“Yes, I borrowed someone’s car, come on,” Val urges, pulling me toward the door. In a rush, I tell my parents goodbye. They both tell me that they love me, and I open my mouth to reply, but she basically drags me through the door before I can say anything.
“We’ve got time, Val,” I gasp.
As soon as I’m out the door, I realize why she hurried me outside. Right there, only a few feet away, Warren stands. Leaning against the inside of the fence, he straightens when he sees me. It’s hard to breathe, to look at him, but at the same time, it feels like the planets have aligned.
“Harper…” The way my name rolls off his tongue, it makes my knees shake.
I spent the last few days hating him, trying to forget him. Forget his stupidly handsome face, his smile, and the way he wraps his arms around me. I tried to forget the way he smells when I bury my face into his chest and the way his lips taste when they are pressed against my own. Every single one of those memories come rushing back all at once.
I know I shouldn’t forgive him so easily, maybe I shouldn’t forgive him at all. But right now, all I want to do is run into his arms and hold onto him until my limbs hurt. He’s the only one that can make the pain go away but is the very reason the ache exists.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me, listen to me, or even want me after this, but I have to tell you how sorry I am. I know I fucked up. I don’t want your pity, and you’re not to blame.” He blows out a breath, “But I can’t live without you. You’re everything to me. I know I’ve done a shit job showing it, but I thought…”
My brain tells me not to listen to a word he says and walk back inside. But everything else in me; my gut, my heart, every fiber of my being, tells me to forgive him. I can’t stop myself from walking toward him, or from wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his firm chest. Inhaling, I let his unique scent fill my lungs. A calmness washes over me then.
His arms come around me, caging me in, pulling me deeper, not in a physical sense but emotionally. I’m drowning in Warren and have been since I was a kid. It’s only ever been him, and though he’s done wrong, hurt me, and said horrible things, they were under a false pretense. He thought wrongly of me, and because of his pain, he lashed out. He wanted revenge, and I can’t fault him for that. I can’t fault him for protecting himself. As angry, and sad, and hurt as I am, I can’t let those emotions define me, define what I have with this man. Sighing into his chest, I know it will take me time to forgive him, but I will.