Not for a one-night stand.
“And …,” Ery took a deep breath, “I’m attracted to you. Obviously.”
This time I couldn’t help my smug grin, and she huffed and rolled her eyes, making me laugh. “Well, we both know I’m very attracted to you.”
Lips twitching with amusement, Ery nodded. “You’ve made that obvious.”
I laughed, unabashed. I’d never been afraid of letting someone know when I was attracted to them. “So why just one night?”
Her amusement fled. “One, I’m pretty sure you’re a casual-only kind of guy, and two, I don’t want a relationship.”
Casual-only kind of guy? Is that what I put across? “Ery—”
“I’m not cut out for a relationship, Arran. I can’t give myself to someone fully like that. And the reason I propose just one night for us is because I value our friendship. There’s no harm in scratching an itch, right? But if we were to prolong it, make it into something more, it would ruin us. And I can’t live with that. I like having you in my life too much.”
Fuck.
Dismay sat heavy in my gut because I heard the absolute sincerity and determination in Eredine’s words. She was certain she didn’t want to be in a relationship.
And I was certain that I did. With her. Only her. I wanted her to be with me, not just for one night. I didn’t know if anything serious would come of us dating—I only knew I wanted to try.
“You’re worried about our friendship,” she assumed, her brow creased.
Deciding I wasn’t enough of a masochist to put myself out there when I already knew the outcome wouldn’t be in my favor, I lied and nodded. “Aye. I don’t want to mess us up. But I … I am attracted to you. Very much. I know I haven’t hidden that.” I leaned forward. “Can I think about this?”
Abashed, her full lips pinched together as her gaze fled mine. “Sure.”
“Ery—”
“No, I get it. It’s fine.” She pulled her menu toward her. “What looks good?”
Feeling guilty, I wanted to keep explaining, but I had a feeling she wouldn’t thank me for it, so I pulled my menu toward me and made inane chitchat. The whole time, my pulse raced a little faster than normal.
* * *
My plot of Adair land sat on the coast about two miles from Thane’s and Lachlan’s homes and half a mile from Arro and Mac’s building plot. Pulling up to the chunk of gorgeous real estate, I grinned at the sight before me. Where once stood only foundations, now there was a structure, a wooden shell of the house. I could finally visualize what my large, three-bedroom home was going to look like. The site was abuzz with activity as I jumped out of my SUV and walked toward Thane.
My big brother smiled as I approached. “What do you think?”
“It’s coming along fast now, eh?”
“It’s getting there. C’mon, I’ll show you what’s been happening.”
I’d taken the afternoon off from the Gloaming’s renovations because Thane had offered to come out to my house site to update me on its progress. We tried not to get in the way as he showed me that electrical and plumbing was being fitted. Eventually, we made our way down to what would be my back garden overlooking the North Sea. It was spectacular.
“You’ll love it,” Thane promised. “Having this view every day is magic.”
“I’ve always been envious of yours,” I confessed. “I cannot believe I’ll have it too. We had it from some rooms in the castle, but not like this. When you stand from your living room looking out, you almost feel you’re floating on the sea. It’s amazing. We’re very lucky, brother.”
“We are that. I’m honestly still in shock you’re settling down, though. I half expected you to have packed up and left long ago.”
I frowned. “And leave Lachlan to handle the Gloaming alone? I wouldn’t do that. Not only have I invested my money in it, I wouldn’t break a promise this big to Lachlan.”
“No, I know that. I meant before that.”
I sighed heavily, trying to cool my irritation. It wasn’t Thane’s fault he’d assumed I wouldn’t stick around—it was mine. I’d left my family behind long ago. “I missed you all,” I admitted. “I missed home.”
Thane patted my back. “I’m glad. We missed you too. I don’t know what the kids would do without you now. Lachlan’s pissed off you’ve dethroned him as the favorite uncle.”
I chuckled. “That’s because I’m the cool uncle who gets them hyped up.”
“Aye, don’t I bloody know it.”
Chuckling, I stepped closer to the water and then looked back at the house. I needed to bring Eredine out here so she could see for herself what it was on its way to becoming. The thought of her scored an ache in my chest.
That ache was the awful fucking discontentment of knowing Ery didn’t want to date anyone, least of all me.