He’s practically giddy, bouncing on the balls of his feet like he can’t control himself.
“You know what pisses me off?” I snap, watching as his smile fades. “The fact that you can tell me in practically the same breath that you love me and that you’re leaving me.”
The man has the fucking nerve to look confused.
“Am I just supposed to be okay that you’re going to be gone for years and years?”
“Gone?” Landon shakes his head. “You’ll be where I am.”
I shake my head. “That isn’t possible.”
He steps up closer to me. “I expect my husband to be by my side.”
It’s not the first time he’s mentioned that type of bond between us, but the times he has said it before, I just assumed he was speaking in the abstract, as in maybe one day or eventually.
“Pump the fucking brakes,” I say instead of mirroring his earlier behavior and bouncing around on the balls of my own feet. “This is moving way too fucking fast.”
“It’s not.”
“This is adrenaline. You’ve just come out to your parents, or not, depending on how you assess the situation, and—”
“I can’t believe they thought we were already together,” he mutters.
“Focus,” I insist because I don’t want to think about wasted years. It’s already hard enough to deal with without thinking that it would’ve been fine for everyone involved if Landon felt the same about me the night of our first kiss. “Everything in the world feels possible right now, but it’s not.”
“Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”
Tears sting my eyes. “That’s not fair, Landon.”
“I want a place at Kincaid’s table. I don’t want to be a career Marine. I have to serve four years to earn a spot with Cerberus.”
It makes sense. Landon has always been extra attentive when the guys chat. As a teen, he was more interested in eavesdropping on the serious conversations than watching the parties through a crack in the curtain.
“I need you there with me.”
“Are you asking me to marry you?”
He shakes his head. “You deserve more than a dorm-room proposal, but I’m going to need the answer to be yes when it does happen.”
He gives me an irresistible smile, and I can feel my cheeks swelling with my own grin.
“Is that a yes?”
I shrug. “I guess you’ll just have to find out.”
He must like my playful answer because he presses his smile to mine.
The answer is yes now, and it’ll be yes whenever he actually asks. I’d be lying to myself, however, if I just sank into this happiness he seems to be feeling.
I wasn’t kidding when I told him things were going too fast. Just yesterday he was demanding I choose between him and Rex, and I seriously doubt that will be the last time we’ll have a fight.
And as much as being gay or bi or however he identified shouldn’t be different, it is.
There isn’t a lot of scrutiny for what some would call traditional relationships, but he’s right to be wary of people with opinions and objections. I haven’t run into it on campus, but I think that has more to do with their selective admissions process, because there is hatred out in the world. I know firsthand that it exists in our hometown. Seth and I both suffered because of it.
He’s going to get people who talk shit eventually, and I guess I just have to pray that his love for me is strong enough, because being with a woman would be easier for him.
“Why are you sad?”
He runs his thumb over my bottom lip.
God, I want to keep my mouth shut, but I’ve done that for years and it didn’t work in my favor.
“You do realize that Lindell isn’t the rest of the world, right?”
He tilts his head.
“I mean, people here probably aren’t going to have a problem when they find out about us. People will talk. I know they will. Guys will be surprised. Girls will cry and bemoan all the hot guys are taken or gay.”
He chuckles, and I know it’s because I said he was hot.
“I’m serious. I saw one girl literally cry tears when she saw Joey take Rex’s hand once.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“About as ridiculous as women thinking they have a shot with Jason Momoa now that he’s single, but that’s not my point. Lindell isn’t the rest of the world. Lindell isn’t the Marine Corps, Landon. Have you considered waiting until you’re done?”
I don’t want to spend four years without him, but I’m also mature enough to know that’s a drop in the bucket to the rest of our lives. We will have the rest of our lives because I can’t think of the alternative, despite the same fear living in me that I saw in his mom’s eyes earlier.
He shakes his head, his answer quick and without hesitation. “I won’t go without you. Wait.”