“Let’s go eat and figure out the fucking plan.”
She inhales a deep breath and nods.
“I’m going to hang back and wait on Carl. I’ll give him a heads-up,” Julius says, walking to the couch and sitting down.
I roll my eyes. Ever since Teddy’s been gone, Julius has been extra pushy about me pursuing Charlie. I mean, I want to—fuck do I want to—but she just won’t give in. And maybe that’s for the best. How am I supposed to love her and give her everything she needs when she still isn’t over Teddy? I still have my own thoughts and emotions about Teddy. Ones that don’t involve sadness.
When he died, seeing him lying there stirred something in me. At the moment it hurt of course. I was watching a man who I admired and looked up to slowly slip away, but once the shock of everything calmed, I was reminded of who he really was and the things he’d done, and that’s just not something I can forgive.
Charlie needs someone to mourn with her, to bask in the good memories, and I can’t do that.
“Come on, Flower.” I sweep my hand in front of me toward the door and pray the car ride is silent. I don’t want to deal with anything more than what we have to.
Right as we pull up in front of the Mexican restaurant, Charlie finally breaks the silence. “We’re calling it Hale now, not it.”
I put the car in park and look at her. “What?”
“The baby,” she remarks, glancing to her stomach. “We’re calling it Hale.”
I try to hide the grimace on my face. I should be excited it will have my last name, but I know she isn’t doing it for me. She’s doing it for him. “Hale?”
She nods. “Yep. It is a Hale after all, so why not? Carl got tired of me calling it an ‘it,’ and I got tired of him calling it a boy.”
I scoff, doing my best to hide my annoyance. “Fair enough.”
I try to exit the car, but she grabs me by the bicep. “Why do you hate me, Lucas?” Her eyes are already threatening to spill with tears.
The past few months she’s been extra emotional, with good reason, but it’s times like this that I wish I didn’t have to walk on eggshells.
“I should be asking you why you hate me.” I grab her hand and set it in her lap.
She tips her head. “What are you talking about?”
“You’ve been nothing but cold toward me. You were perfectly fine cuddling up to me for the weeks following shit, but now you won’t even look me in the eye.”
I can tell something is on the tip of her tongue, something she’s been dying to say, but she won’t say it. Even with Teddy gone, it’s like he’s still controlling her in a way. “He gave us his blessing.”
“Not this conversation again. Why can’t we just be friends, Lucas?” She rubs her fingers over her temple.
I let out a laugh. “We aren’t friends, Charlie, and never have been.”
Her brows knit together, and her lips form a hard line. “What do you mean?”
She asks like she doesn’t already know the answer. “Friends don’t do what we did. They don’t kiss and wish for more, and they sure as hell don’t love each other the way…” I trail off.
I know if I say it out loud, I won’t be able to take it back, and even worse, I won’t be able to stop myself from wanting more than I already do.
“Friends don’t love each other like you love me,” I finally finish.
She shakes her head slowly. “You’re right. And friends don’t treat each other like shit either.” She unfastens her seat belt and gets out of the car in a rush, slamming the door behind her, but she never denies what I said.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself.
I knew this would happen. As much as I try to be careful, it still isn’t enough. Charlie used to be like a lethal bomb. Ready to fight or even kill if you said the wrong thing. Now, she’s nothing but emotions. There is no telling if she’ll cry at something you say or want to cut your dick off. At this point, I guess her being mad is better than the crying. When she cries, it fucking kills me.
I step out of the car and put the keys in my pocket after locking the doors. When I make it inside, Charlie already has a table on the back wall with chips and salsa sitting in front of her and a huge glass of ice water.
I stroll over and pull out the chair next to her, wanting my back to the wall too, and not toward the door. Just in case. “I didn’t mean what I said in a bad way,” I say, settling beside her.