“I literally spend about forty days a year wading through mud bogs cleaning filth-covered waterfowl. I wasn’t offended.”
“Oh,” I said. “Ornithologist. Right.”
She nodded. I nodded. It appeared that we had run out of things to say.
Which meant this was it. It was over.
It was time to let her go.
CHAPTER 21
Clara
I waited for him to say more. He wasn’t going to let it end like this, was he? We’d fought. We’d laughed. One of us had almost cried. We’d shared the most intimate details of our breakups. I told him he was sweet and he told me I made him happy. Surely I wasn’t the only one feeling it. This was more than just friendship, wasn’t it?
Apparently not. To Ian, at least. Without another word, he handed me my car keys, then stepped out into the street. A moment later, he opened my car door, and I stepped out.
“Well,” I said as we stood face to face on the sidewalk, “I won’t be forgetting you anytime soon, Ian. It’s been an adventure.”
“That it has. I’m pretty sure I won’t be forgetting you anytime soon either, Clara.”
Silence followed. Neither of us moved.
Not really knowing what else to do, I extended my right hand for a formal goodbye shake.
His hand grasped mine, and we shook. And then shook again. And then we just kept shaking.
It was a little weird.
“What the hell,” he finally said, letting go. “Come here.” He opened up his arms, and I accepted his embrace. There was no shyness or awkwardness. Ian was holding me. I was holding him. Our embrace was the most natural thing in the world. I didn’t want it to end.
And it didn’t. We stood there, our arms around each other, for I don’t know how long. If there were other people on the sidewalk, I wasn’t aware of them. All I was aware of was how nicely my head fit between his head and shoulder, how strongly his heart was beating. He squeezed me tighter. I returned the favor. This was no buddy hug. This was two people who didn’t want to let each other go.
I felt his warm breath against my ear. “Before you go,” he whispered, “can I tell you something? Something you might not want to hear?”
My body froze, my mind going into emotional arrest. The last thing a man had said to me that I didn’t want to hear wasU R 2 Fat 2 MarrE. My ego had been through enough these last few weeks. I didn’t even want to venture a guess at what was wrong with me this time.
If Ian wasn’t feeling what I was feeling, I didn’t want to stick around any longer. I’d just make a fool of myself. Again.
I decided to cut my losses. I wanted to remember Ian as someone who liked me. I wanted my memory of our time together to be a happy one, not one that ended with a recommendation that I take it easy on the cupcakes if I wanted my next engagement to work out. So instead of answering him, I used my never-fail excuse for getting out of an awkward situation.
“Ian?” I said, my arms still around him.
“Hm?” he said.
“I really need to pee.”
CHAPTER 22
Ian
In terms of parting words, it wasn’t exactlyETorCasablanca.
I watched her backside disappear into the crowd of pedestrians as she headed to a bathroom and out of my life forever. I cursed myself for my stupidity. Our embrace had been the real deal. I was sure she could feel my heart pounding, and I hadn’t imagined her whole body shivering when I pressed my lips to her ear. It had seemed to me that we were admitting our feelings for one another without uttering a word. It was a genuine moment, one that might have led to a kiss and then a romance and then a full-fledged love story.
But then I had to go and open my big mouth. Women had started throwing themselves at me when I was a teenager, so I’d never really had to come up with a signature pickup line or even learn how to talk to the opposite sex. No one was interested in me for my conversational skills. But I’d wanted to say something meaningful to Clara, something like: “Somewhere out there is a man who wants to love you. I promise.”
But in retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have prefaced it withCan I tell you something you won’t want to hear?I wondered what it was she imagined I was about to say. Did she think I was going to tell her to lay off the sweets if she wanted her next engagement to work out? Or that her career was a waste of time and she should get a real job? Or some other self-esteem damaging commentary that she’d heard from other guys? God, why couldn’t I just have gone with a run-of-the-millI wouldn’t mind seeing you againorWhy don’t we swap phone numbers just for laughs? She might still be standing here in my arms. We might even be kissing.