“But then you wanted to send me away after...”
“I didn’t want the bond, Loren.”
She swallowed at the unexpected pain slicing through her chest. Regardless, deep down, a part of her appreciated the honesty.
“I didn’t,” he went on. “I’ve spent years on my own for a reason. I never wanted you…anyone to get too close. Believe me, it wasn’t a personal decision. I thought it would be best for everyone involved in the end.”
“Why?”
“Because the last person who trusted me in that way wound up dead.” His voice broke openly. He didn’t even try to disguise his pain for once, and it bled into every single word. “I couldn’t save her, and as a result of that, I realized that I didn’t deserve to lead anyone. It might sound childish to you, but to us… Loyalty is everything. So is trust. To make a long story short, I took it hard.”
“What happened?” He had avoided this very topic from the start, but she couldn’t let guilt get in the way of her own curiosity. Not anymore. “Tell me. Please.”
“Lukas, our previous Alpha, had died,” he said softly. “It was unexpected. A heart attack. While we are lupine at heart, we are still human to our core. In his absence, I was poised to take over.”
His voice fell into a tentative rhythm she didn’t recognize. A halting, slower cadence that wormed beneath her defenses. This was the real Bill McGoven—a man who internalized everything.
But, for once, he willingly shared a fraction of himself with her.
“My focus was on securing the perimeter and guarding against any threats during the transition,” he went on. “It’s rare, but succession is a prime time for any outside enemies to mount an attack. I was more worried about the Eislanders, but I was caught off guard when Lukka approached me and warned of potential hunters spotted in the area.”
Loren recognized the term. “Micha told me about them.”
Even the Eislander, Eric, had mentioned that the threat of hunters was the driving force behind an unsteady alliance between the two packs.
“They’re dangerous,” he said. “But rare. I scouted the area myself and found nothing. If we were to take him at his word, that would have meant pushing back the ceremony by a few days. I didn’t see the need. Stability seemed more important, but that night… They attacked the perimeter. We lost three packmates that day.”
His grim tone alluded to a far more personal loss. One Loren hesitated to even mention. Still, there was no avoiding it.
“Your wife?”
He nodded. “I would give anything to do that day differently. Anything. Her death was my fault. I had been so focused on what I thought an Alphashouldbe that I didn’t heed the real threat. I failed her. I failed myself.”
“That’s why you’ve been punishing yourself.”
He barked a cold laugh. “You sound like Sonia. To hear her tell it, the past five years have been nothing more than an expert exercise in masochism.”
“You’re worried about her,” Loren pointed out.
“She’s like a sister to me. If Lukka hurt her—” he broke off, but she could easily fill in the blanks. “The sooner I can face him, the sooner I can end this.”
“Tell me about it. The challenge.”
He sighed. “There are old laws that govern it. What it boils down to is I face Lukka one on one, and issue the challenge in person. He shouldn’t be able to refuse. After that, he has a full day to prepare, and then we fight in the center of the territory for the entire pack to witness.”
“That sounds…simple,” she said, preferring that word choice overbarbaric.
“It’s how things are done,” he replied. “There are other formalities. Usually, the challenger offers up a witness who stays under the control of the opposing Alpha until the challenge is over. It’s a way to ensure that both parties have something on the line. Tradition dictates that no harm comes to the witness, but I don’t trust Lukka farther than I can throw him. Certainly not enough to offer up a sacrifice.”
It sounded way more intense than he’d led her to believe. Yet, there was something he wasn’t saying. “What happens if you lose?”
He adjusted his grip on the wheel, eyeing the road with renewed interest. When seconds passed in silence, she was sure he wouldn’t answer. “If I lose… Lukka won’t have to fear a challenge from me ever again.”
“Why?” she prodded, though a part of her warned that she already knew the answer.
“Get ready.” Suddenly, he inclined his head. “Looks like this is it.”
Loren followed the line of his gaze despite the abrupt change in subject. “It” turned out to be a rundown road leading to a dwelling that resembled a shack more than anything else. Fred Connors’ home looked regal in comparison. Weeds strangled most of the front lawn, nearly overrunning a decrepit porch covered with stacks of firewood.