My mind remembers the time I loved Mase and then the heartbreak. The loss of the baby that I have kept to myself except for confiding my innermost secret to Alex. He was sensitive that night and I thought the days after he would be genuine. I guess I was wrong and made a mistake. If I wanted to have sex with someone to move on, I should have chosen someone else. What was I thinking? In a way, I want him to move on and alienate me, perhaps not even talk to me, or forget I even exist. But that would be a cowardly thing to do just because of Mase. I’m too busy worrying about what everyone else thinks and not worried about the way I feel.
I back out of Linda’s bedroom, needing some space to think. “Where are you going?” Khalani asks with a worried expression.
I point behind me. “I just need some fresh air. You guys catch up. I’ll be right back.”
“Lucy, are you okay?” Linda asks me with concern.
“I’m good. I just need a minute.”
Picking up my pace, I walk toward the front door and let myself out. The members of the Kings are still kicking it outside with their lowriders, drinking beer and smoking weed. Smiley is talking with one of the guys, and I unlock the Aston Martin.
He sees me and he frowns when he notices that I’m alone. I press the remote start on the car.
“Where are you going, hermosa?”
“I’m not your hermosa. I’m not your anything, so fuck off,” I snap.
He throws the joint he had in his fingers and walks toward me in quick strides. He closes the door of the car, pushing the door when I tried to open it.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I snap again.
He gets up in my face, caging me against the car. The other members are gathered around, witnessing our exchange. He is breathing fast, his chest rising and falling against his crisp white tank top. The diamond Cuban link gold chain around his neck glittering against the streetlights. He can see that I’m pissed but so is he with the way his jaw hardens and his chiseled jaw tics against his handsome face. He visibly swallows with the way the crown tattoo moves against his skin.
His nostrils flare. “You are not going anywhere by yourself. I don’t care how pissed off you are and if it’s aimed at me, I’m right here,” he says in a low throaty voice, reminding me of what Khalani said about him sounding like Rio fromGood Girls.
“Move.”
“No,” he retorts.
I try to push him, but he doesn’t budge. Alex is much stronger than he looks. His arms are ripped with lean muscle under swirls of tattoos with skulls. His chest is cut under his wifebeater that I remember placing my hands on when he wanted me to ride him.
“Come on, ese. Let her go, Smiley,” Hector says in his Chicano drawl.
“Nah, ese. She is just a little pissed off. She needs to blow off some steam,” Alex says, but the meaning of what he is saying has me confused because his lips lift in a grin.
“What’s wrong, little mama? I thought you and your man worked things out. I heard about your little trip.”
“He is not my man and we’re just friends. I’ve learned not to make the same mistake twice.”
He chuckles and leans down by my ear and lowers his voice. His clean ocean scent reaches my senses, making me wet. “Do you think I don’t want you?” He raises his head and laughs, and I get angry. How dare he mock me. I’m mostly mad because even though I am crazy over Mase, Alex has taught me how to pleasure a man. He knows what makes me tick with need.
“No, you don’t. You got what you wanted.”
“I gave you what you asked for, and I know when a woman belongs to another. You belong to him and you know it. You should see the way your face lights up when you talk about him. Frankly, I prefer to keep my balls and not risk getting my throat slit and dick chopped off for my sister to find.”
“You think I would allow that to happen? Do you think I haven’t thought about it? My brother wouldn’t allow him to touch a hair on your head.”
His face lowers and his lips are inches from mine. “Have you told him about the loss of the baby?”
“No. You are the only person that knows. It doesn’t matter. Mason knows I have slept with someone else, but he has no idea it is you. My brother is the only one that knows about us but he doesn’t know about me and Mason.”
“Fuck,” he mutters.
“I’m sorry. I’m just messed up and I know I have to tell him but I’m just not ready.”
“Mason is not going to give up on you.”
I shake my head. “He gave up on me for a lot less. I have accepted we were never meant to be him and I. Nothing matters anymore.”