Gabriel glanced over his shoulder at Asa. “Later.” He paused. “These rooms will be the healing center, for seeing patients?”
“If it pleases you,” Nic replied, lifting a brow on the side of her face that Asa couldn’t see.
“It pleases me,” Gabriel replied, his tone so dry it sounded sarcastic. “Set it up however you like,” he told Asa.
“Thank you, Lord Phel.” Asa bowed deeply, his face serious, dimples in his cheeks showing that he struggled to restrain a grin. “I appreciate your confidence in me.”
“I’m not sure ‘confidence’ is the word I’d choose,” Gabriel replied, then walked out of the room with such long strides that Nic had to trot to keep up. He held her hand fiercely, magic boiling silver around him, the scent of steam hovering in the air.
“What did you need?” Nic finally asked. After all, she knew what was wrong, so no sense asking that. Even if she was brave enough with him in such a mood.
He slanted her a look, not replying immediately. They entered the library, considerably less gloomy with all the windows open to the bright day, and he released his death grip on her hand to close—and bar—the doors.All right, then.Nic shook out her hand while his back was turned, then dropped it into the folds of her gown, composing herself as he turned back to her, folding his arms and staring at her with a forbidding expression.
Nic waited. He said nothing.
“I missed you,” he finally ground out, not sounding like meant it.
Feeling as if she was handling a half-feral water elemental, Nic searched for what to say in return.
“And then I saw you, withhim,” Gabriel continued, sparing her that much. “Were you lovers?”
Nic’s mouth fell open in surprise, no reply leaping to fill the empty space.
“Not that it’s any of my business,” Gabriel added hastily. “It’s a question unworthy of you and invasive of me. It doesn’t matter. Don’t answer that.”
Was hejealous? “I’d like to answer that. No, Asa was a friend, but never a lover. I was a virgin until my Betrothal Trials.”
He nodded, stiff, arms still folded. “That doesn’t preclude you from having had lovers. And it doesn’t matter,” he added, sounding as if he was reminding himself, as it clearly did matter to him.
“Gabriel,” she said, laying her hands gently on his bulging forearms, the simmering tension popping in his muscles, “I have no feelings like that for Asa. We were classmates and friends, and I was happy to see him. That’s all. I’m bonded to you, which means that even if I’d ever had softer feelings for Asa, I wouldn’t have them now.”
Huffing out a laugh, Gabriel shook his head. “That does not make me feel any better.”
“What would help?” she asked earnestly, massaging his tight muscles with her fingertips.
He frowned blackly, unmoving. “I was jealous,” he admitted, sounding like he hated even saying the words. Sighing, he unbent enough to take her hands in his. “Iamjealous. I hated seeing him put his hands on you. I nearly forbade him from doing so ever again.”
“He wouldn’t have been surprised. It’s in a wizard’s nature to be possessive.”
Gabriel grimaced. “I really hate when you tell me that what I’m feeling is because I’m a wizard.” Despite the strong words, he didn’t pull away from her.
Nic pressed her lips together, sorting through various replies to that. “I could resolve not to say that anymore, but it wouldn’t make it less true.”
Searching her face, Gabriel looked profoundly unhappy. “I wish that…”
“You can be honest with me,” she encouraged when he trailed off and didn’t continue.
Shaking his head, he blew out a long breath. “What you must think of me.”
“I think a great deal of you, Gabriel,” she replied with perfect honesty.
“Do you, really, though?” Her breath caught sharply in her throat at the accusation, the very real doubt in his eyes. Before she could answer, though, he went on. “I wish that everything between us didn’t come down to wizard and familiar.”
She wanted to tell him that it didn’t, but would that be the truth? He saw it in her, too, his keen attention on her face, no doubt sensing her emotions, if not the direction of her thoughts. “Gabriel,” she said slowly, wanting very much to say whatever might soothe this roiling hurt and anger in him, “while the Fascination draws me to you, and the bonding ties us together, I do care about you. I know you don’t want to hear that I love you, because you don’t believe it’s real or that I don’t feel that way of my own free will, but you asked for my friendship and trust. You have that. You are my wizard, which is a permanent bond, but I also don’twantto be with anyone but you. I like you,” she added, somewhat desperately, feeling the inadequacy of the word.
His lips twitched with ironic appreciation, but his eyes held more. A kind of yearning. And a wistful sorrow. “Nic, I don’t have your trust and friendship,” he said gravely. “If I did, you would have told me that I drained you too much.”
“That has nothing to do with trust and friendship,” Nic countered. “First of—”