He frowned. “You know I’m not.”
“Be honest,” she pressed. “You’re not battlinganydesires when it comes to me? Not even one or two illicit cravings?”
Guilt flickered in his eyes, along with a flare of dark yearning—quickly followed by shame.
She lowered her voice. “I saw how you looked at the silver bed in the arcanium.”
Jerking his gaze from hers, he stared fixedly at his hands, swallowing hard.
“I bet fantasies have occurred to you,” she mused. “Things you could do to me.”
“Stop.” He barely voiced the word, still avoiding her eyes.
“Tell me, are you battling something that feels like hunger? In the arcanium last night, when I asked you if there is any aspect of my magic that makes you feel like you want to consume it, you compared it to red wine, and that sometimes you want nothing more than to drink me up.”
“Red wine infused with roses,” he corrected hoarsely. “It’s specific to you and unlike anything else in the world.”
“And you want to drink me up.” It pleased her, in truth, that he perceived her that way, and it matched her sense of herself, which somehow shored up some of the confidence she’d lost when she found out she’d only be a familiar. She would never be a wizard, but her magic was an indelible part of her being.
“Something in me does,” he admitted, almost without sound, knuckles white. “Which makes no rational sense.”
She laid her hand over his clenched ones. “That’s my point. This is about aspects of our magical natures that make no rational sense. But Gabriel?” She paused, waiting for him to look at her. When he did, she met his gaze steadily. “No matter what’s gone before this, regardless of how we got here, I’m wholly yours now. There is nothing you can do that would make me want to leave you.”
“I’m not sure that’s reassuring,” he replied grimly.
“It should be, because that’s a foundation you can rely on. I embrace who you are. There’s nothing you could do that would shock me. You and I are in this together. I know you never wanted to be a wizard, that you didn’t truly want to become lord of House Phel, but you are both of those things. And I am your familiar, your partner in all of that. That’s a good thing to have. I think maybe you’ve been very alone all this time, a lone wizard amid a nonmagical family.”
A flurry of naked emotions crossed his face as he searched hers. Finally unknotting his clenched hands, he interlaced his fingers with hers. “You have an uncanny ability to see through me.”
She nearly snorted, except that this unexpected vulnerability in him had her feeling surprisingly tender. “I often feel the same,” she confessed.
He smiled, squeezing her hand. “This is not how I envisioned our marriage.” With his free hand, he waved at the dank and musty library. “Though I guess I didn’t expect this to magically transform into your Elal castle.”
She did snort then. “Well, as you’ve pointed out, we’re not technically married yet, and we’ve yet to work that transformative magic. This manse will be a showplace by the time I’m done with it. Butyoumust embrace the role of Lord Phel.”
“How about a compromise?” he suggested, lifting her hand to kiss it. “I’ll rally the troops to engage in the battle of Castle Phel, if you won’t begrudge me time with the levees. It’s water wizardry, and no one else can do it. Surely you agree with diversifying our product line.”
“Aha. Someone’s been listening. And I do agree, but if you’re doing wizardry, you should have me with you.”
His brows lowered. “It doesn’t require that much magic to—”
“Practice,” she interrupted, emphasizing the word. “You and I need to learn to work together.You, in particular, need to get over these foolish scruples about using me. It’s my reason for being.”
“I thought your reason for being was to whip me into acting like a normal wizard and a proper Lord Phel, along with turning House Phel into a thriving business enterprise.”
“That too. It’s a good thing I’m multi-talented,” she conceded with a smirk. “We need a schedule. How about business in the mornings, work on the house and grounds in the afternoons, arcanium practice in the evenings?”
“Arcanium practice?” he echoed dubiously.
“Gabriel,” she replied very seriously. “There is a high probability that House Phel is going to end up at war with one or more other houses, if not the entire Convocation if you have your way. You need to be ready.Weneed to be ready.”
With a sigh, he nodded. “I suppose you’re right.”
“I’m going to suggest something else you won’t like.”
He visibly braced himself, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, a sure sign of agitation. “You might as well hit me with it all at once.”
“You should learn to draw Seliah’s magic, too.” She squeezed his hand when he looked aghast. “It doesn’t have to be a sexual connection. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not a monster.”