Ellie parked her car outside the Forsythe and Turner construction office, grateful that Jake’s truck wasn’t there. She’d spent the last several hours making some hard choices. The very fact that she’d already encountered a number of people only too willing to either offer sympathies or their ill will for wrecking an NFL quarterback’s career was enough to tell her she couldn’t stay here.
She walked into her office and sat down to type up her resignation letter. It was the least they deserved. It seemed rather silly to make it official when she had no intention of sticking around to serve a notice. But it made her feel better to leave it less personal. If she didn’t write it, she’d be stuck trying to explain why she was leaving. Far better to simply hand in a letter and leave.
After getting together the few things she wanted to take with her, she went back out to her car and headed for where she knew Luke to be. He had a meeting at one of the jobsites he managed, and he’d be there until noon. Since he and Jake split sites, Jake would be elsewhere.
Ten minutes later, she got out, pulling her jacket tighter around her to shield her from the cold. She’d barely taken two steps when Luke hurried her way, a concerned expression marring his face.
“Ellie, what are you doing here? Are you all right?” he asked as he walked up.
She swallowed nervously. Then she thrust the letter at him. “I came to give you this. And to thank you.”
He looked down at the letter and slowly took it from her. “I don’t like your tone, Ellie. It sounds too much like goodbye.”
She shrugged, the nervous flutterings in her stomach kicking into overdrive as he opened the letter.
He swore softly under his breath then crumpled the paper in his hand.
“I won’t accept this, Ellie.”
She twisted her lips into a grimace. “You don’t have a choice, Luke. It’s what I have to do.”
“No, it’s what you think you have to do. Damn it, don’t do this. Don’t let that bastard win.”
“I need to go now,” she said softly.
He reached out a hand to stop her. “Wait. Just for a minute. Please.”
“Why?” she asked in puzzlement.
He relaxed and looked at a point beyond her shoulder. She turned to see Jake tearing up the drive of the construction site.
She rounded on Luke. “You called him.”
“As soon as I saw you drive up,” he admitted. “He’s worried sick about you, Ellie. You owe it to him to give this to him face-to-face. Not hide behind me.”
Her gaze dropped in guilty admission. Luke leaned over and pulled her into a hug.
“I want you to be happy.”
He gave her another squeeze then turned and walked away as Jake approached.
She watched as Jake closed the distance between them. Worry darkened his face. He looked as if he hadn’t gotten any more sleep than she had the night before.
“Ellie, you had me worried,” he chastised. “Don’t ever do that again.”
He pulled her roughly into his arms and held onto her for a long moment.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked as he drew away.
“I came to give Luke my resignation,” she said quietly.
“What?”
She didn’t respond.
“What the fuck is going on, Ellie?”
He prodded her chin up with his fingers when she wouldn’t meet his gaze.
“I need to get away for a while,” she whispered. “I can’t stay here. Not now.”
“So you’re running,” he said flatly.
She winced. “Maybe I am, Jake, but it’s something I have to do. I can’t stay here. It’s already started. The pity, the judgment, the anger that I fucked up Ray Hatcher’s career. I actually had someone stop me and say that if I had been more of a woman, maybe Ray and I wouldn’t have had problems. Can you believe that?”
“Yes,” he said calmly. “People say and do stupid shit all the time. That doesn’t mean you let them run your life.”
“I can’t stay, Jake.” She barely managed to say it without her voice cracking. “You’re right in one aspect. I haven’t really dealt with what happened. I just existed from one day to the next, ignoring the fallout, wishing it would just go away. And it hurts.”
He slid a hand up her arm then over her shoulder to her neck. “I know you hurt, Ellie. God knows I’d do anything to make the pain stop. But this isn’t going to help. You’re running from me, and that hurts me.”
She looked helplessly up at him.
“I’m torn,” he admitted. “Half of me wants to make you stay. To drag you home with me and never let you go. The other half wants to let you go because I’d never do anything to hold you back.”
She leaned into his arms and rested her forehead on his chest. “I love you, Jake. Really, I do.”
“I know you do,” he said quietly. “And I wish it was enough that I loved you.”
He cupped her shoulders in his hands and held her away from him. “Just know something, Ellie. Wherever it is you end up, whenever you get tired of running, know that I’ll be here waiting for you to come home.”
Chapter Thirteen
Jake sat alone in his living room, staring at the brightly lit Christmas tree. Christmas Eve. How many Christmases had he sat here staring at his tree wishing for the same thing?
This year, he thought he’d finally gotten what he wanted. Ellie. In his arms, his bed, but more importantly, as a permanent part of his life.
His gaze fell to the lone Christmas present under the tree. An engagement ring he’d bought for Ellie a few days ago. Ironically enough, the day before she’d left town.
Three days. Three days of self-recrimination. Of loneliness and a sense of loss he could never hope to recover from.
In that time he’d argued with himself countless times. He shouldn’t have let her go, let her walk away. But what choice had he had? He loved her too damn much to ever stand in her way.
He closed his eyes and brought his hands up to his face. How on earth could he face this Christmas without her? Knowing that he’d view every future Christmas as a reminder of all he’d lost.
Grief, raw and aching, razored through his system. He’d never loved another woman, and he knew without a doubt he wouldn’t again. Not like Ellie.
The doorbell rang, wrenching him from his torment. He didn’t want company. Especially not if it was Luke or the others coming over to spread their obnoxious Christmas cheer.
He sat there for a moment willing the intruder to go away. He had no desire for anyone to see him in this state. Big Jake Turner, former NFL star, reduced to a quivering mass of agony.
When the doorbell rang again, he swore and shoved himself up from the couch. He stalked over to the door, in a hurry to get rid of whoever it was. Only when he opened the door and saw who was standing on the doorstep, he forgot all about making her leave. Forgot everything but the fact that Ellie stood there staring nervously up at him.
She shivered, and he hastily pulled her inside.
“You’re going to freeze to death,” he said as he pushed her toward the fireplace.
It was a lame greeting, but he couldn’t think of one single thing to say to her. He was excited and scared out of his mind all at the same time. Had she come back? Or was she simply back to collect her things and clear out her house? He couldn’t stand another goodbye. Not when it would tear his guts right out to watch her walk away again.
He wanted to touch her, taste her, take her to bed and make love to her until she never wanted to leave.
“How have you been?” he asked.
She bit her bottom lip and looked at him with wide blue eyes. Eyes that reflected clear uncertainty. Was she worried he’d kick her out?
She pulled a small gift-wrapped box from her pocket and held it out to him. Her hands trembled, making the ribbon on the present wiggle about.
“What’s this?” he asked dumbly as he took the box.
“Open it.”
/> He untied the ribbon and tore off the paper. It dropped to the floor as he fumbled with the box. When he opened it, he saw a single piece of paper inside.
Slowly, he drew it out and unfolded it. In her neat handwriting she’d written: There isn’t a box big enough to hold my love for you. But it will always belong to you. As I will.
He folded the paper reverently, afraid to believe the implications of what he’d read. He searched her face for some sign of what was going through her beautiful head.
“Do you mean it, Ellie?”
She looked at him, so much love reflected in her clear blue eyes. Tears filled them, threatening to spill over her lids.
“Do you still want me, Jake?” she whispered.