I calmly walk over to the table with the toys, trying to keep my cool even though my entire body tingles with excitement and trepidation.
Endorphins are a serious thing, and all I can think about is how much I want to be railed by this man, a man I barely know, a man I witnessed kill another in cold blood. Yet even with what I know about Alexie, my mind seems to have shut off in favor of my whore of a vagina.
I trail my fingers along the various boxes of strap-ons.
Alexie’s warm breath caresses my skin. “I’ve transferred the money to your account. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s off the table?”
“No scat, no water sports, and no vomit.”
“That’s it?”
“I think so.”
“If anything else upsets you, say ‘red.’ I’m a piece of shit, but I’m not a fuckin’ abuser.”
I turn around and smile at him. “You said I don’t get to say no.”
“You do. But the word is ‘red.’ Words like ‘no,’ ‘stop,’ and ‘please’ won’t get me to stop. Only word is ‘red.’ You say it, and everything stops right away.” He presses his fingers into my chin, lifting my head so our eyes connect. “You got it, Solnce?”
I nod. My panties are drenched, and he hasn’t even touched me yet. I’m not sure I can handle whatever he wants to do to me. This is the first time I’ve been so aroused talking to someone about sex that I think I might come on the spot. I don’t understand what kind of weird spell Alexie has put on me, but it’s so potent that I want to run.
The heady mix of obsession and desire can fuel or destroy you. I have no way of knowing what Alexie will do. Will he want me beyond reason so I’ll become the most precious thing to him? Or will he want me so much that his passions will turn into insanity? Or will it be a combination of the two? The sane thing to do would be to walk away before we start anything, to wire the money back to him and have it be the end. But the way he looks at me pulls me in like a moth to a flame. Something about this man makes me not want to deny him anything.
“Good,” he says, stepping toward me until his face hovers above mine.
His stare is unnerving, and I can’t help but turn away.
Alexie growls, a visceral sound from some animalistic part of him. “Look at me, Solnce.” When I don’t move, his fingers tightly grip my chin, and he tilts my head up, his gaze burning into mine. “I’m a monster. I know what I’m capable of, but you’re safe with me. You’ll always be safe with me. No matter what we do in the bedroom, I promise you’ll like every second. Do you have any idea how fucked up this is for me, too? I don’t care about many people, Mia. It’s hard to make me give a fuck. But for some fucked up reason, I’d burn my family to the ground for you. I don’t give up my control, and I’m willing to give it up to you right now, in this room. You’ve unleashed something in me that wants to protect and ruin you for everyone but me. Don’t deny this thing between us. It would be a mistake. I don’t know many things, but whatever this is, it’s something good.”
I don’t have words because I trust nothing, not even how my heart constricts at his words, so I nod and lift one of the strap-on dildos. It’s hot pink and not exactly small. “You think you’re man enough to take this one?”
Alexie barks out a laugh before engulfing me in his muscular arms. “The measure of a man is what he’s willing to do for his woman. And for you, I’d do anything.”
“Rest easy, buddy. I’m not your woman.”
Something akin to venom flashes in Alexie’s eyes. He transforms from the gentleman of a moment ago to the monster from that night in the parking lot.
One hand circles my throat, and his fingers dig into my flesh while the other yanks my hair back with such force that I almost lose my balance. “Pay attention, Solnce. Make sure you hear me clearly,” he growls. “I will be anything for you. I will crawl like a dog and worship at your feet like a deity. But I need you to understand this. I do it because you’re mine. My woman. Mine.”
I’ve been here before, engulfed with a man so demented in his obsession with me he would kill me before letting me go. Alexie hasn’t tried to hide his toxicity, and I swore I’d never fall into that trap again. “I don’t want to be under anyone’s control. I don’t want to be told what to do, where to go, or who to talk to.”