“No, it’s because of you.”
“You pushed me to do it.”
“Doesn’t mean shit if you didn’t choose to make that step on your own. You did this. You’re rebuilding your life, and you’re taking control.”
“I like taking control.” I push him backward on the couch and straddle his hips. “Now, let’s test out these cameras.”
22
Phoenix
Daily Affirmation: “I deserve to be free from the past, and today I am allowing myself to move on.”
“Do you smell that?”
James smiles. “Books?”
“It’s my favorite smell in the world.” I stop and turn to face him in the aisle. “Aside from your cooking, of course.”
“I used to go to the library as a kid, and the first thing I would do is smell the book before I checked it out.”
I wrap my hands around his arm. “I love that you love reading as much as I do.”
“I can’t wait until I’m readingyourbook one day.” He gestures to the romance section in front of us. “On one of these shelves.”
“I don’t know if I’ll get that far. Maybe a couple of people will download it on Amazon.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. You were born to do great things, Phoenix Bridges.”
I laugh it off, but deep down, James’s words nestle deep into my bones. Maybe I was born to do great things. Maybe that’s why I survived my suicide. Maybe I’m going to help someone somewhere someday.
“I can see why you loved this place growing up.” James glances around the old bookstore in my hometown in New York. “It has history.”
“And it’s super cozy. My dad brought me here every Sunday, and we’d sit by the fireplace and read side by side.” The memory brings a smile to my lips. “It was my favorite thing we did together. Then when his cancer got bad toward the end, he wanted to be at the shore house. So, I’d bring books to him, and read at his bedside.”
James pulls me to his chest and holds me for a moment. “I’m sure he loved you very much. I wish I could’ve known him.”
“Me too. He would’ve loved you.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.” I stretch up onto my toes and kiss his lips. “It’s impossible not to love you.”
“Did you think you’d be saying that when you launched a baseball bat at my head?”
I grin. “No, but I did take note of how strikingly handsome you are.”
His eyebrows lift. “You did?”
I nod. “I thought you were a hot criminal. Those gray sweatpants get me every time.”
He tilts his head back and laughs. “Good to know.”
We spend the afternoon reading in the same nook my father and I used to read in. I was reluctant at first to come back to New York, but James said it would be fun to see where I grew up. I have a lot of good memories here, so there’s no reason not to visit.
When we finish at the bookstore, we head down the block to my favorite diner.
We’re halfway through an early dinner when my gaze lands on a familiar pair of blue eyes staring back at me, and my fork falls to the plate with a loud clank.