“Don’t say that—”
“No. No, it’s not a ‘pity me’ thing. It’s the truth. My new reality is finally sinking in. A lot of things are different.”
“You’re more beautiful than ever,” Rory says and winks at me.
“Rory—” I take an exasperated breath.
“Sorry,” he says and hangs his head, but I can tell he is smiling.
“I’m different now,” I say.
“Yeah?”
“You know how it is. My body’s different. There are things it can’t do anymore, and don’t get me started on chemo brain.”
Rory’s eyes soften. “Yeah. I know how it is,” he admits. “But you’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you. That alone is reason to celebrate.”
We clink glasses again and each take a drink.
I don’t give him details, but one of the worst changes to my body is chemo brain. I forget little things, can’t find the right word sometimes—only made worse by my bilingualism. I shake my head, thinking of what a snob I used to be when people would speak in Spanglish and how sometimes I’m forced to do that now when I can’t find the word in one language but can in the other. My reaction time has slowed, and I’m hoping I can work on correcting that if I have a shot in hell at fighting again. Now that I know I’ll live, I have to at least give it a shot. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be me.
“Thank you,” I say. “For everything. Really.”
Instead of his regular ‘you betcha’ that he customarily uses instead of ‘you’re welcome,’ he says, “Stop thanking me. It pisses me off.” But he is smiling.
“This is the last time. I promise. Thank you for respecting my wishes back then. I couldn’t bear to have you around while I was going through that.”
“I know. It killed me to stay away. But I know.” Rory’s hand reaches across the table to take mine. His thumb grazes over the top of my hand, and we smile at each other. God, I’ve missed him.
“I missed you,” he says as if he is reading my mind.
I won’t tell him I missed him back. I don’t want to give him hope again. There is no point. I’m leaving for Mexico in a week or two—as soon as I can arrange everything—and then Rory Dennis will be nothing but a sweet memory from my time in KC, as I always knew he would be.
“You look good too,” I say.
“Valentina Almonte, are you flirting with me?”
I draw my hand away from his and shake my head. “No. I’m just glad to see you looking so well.”
Rory’s smile falls for only one second before he regains it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s okay. We’re allowed to be happy to see each other.”
“I’m glad you’re happy to see me,” he says.
I stand and put on my coat. Grabbing my purse, I toss it over my shoulder. Rory stands after I do, and I surprise us both by taking him into a hug. I take in his smell one last time. He doesn’t know this is goodbye for good this time. “I have to go,” I say. “Chema’s waiting for me,” I lie.
“Right. Say hi to him for me, will you? I think I owe him big time.” Rory smiles weakly at me as I turn to walk away.
I leave him at the bar, holding my heart without his knowledge.