“I’m not running away.”
“Yes, you are. You took off from the hotel that first night after overhearing one half of a conversation. You avoided me for a month after you realized I was the man you’d be working for. You ran away last weekend. I understand why you’re scared of confrontations but we can get through this. We just need to be together to do so. Do you… do you want that? Do you want us to be together? Because I want to be with you.”
She doesn’t answer that question or acknowledge what I said about wanting to be with her. “Maybe you’re right about me running away. Maybe that’s something I need to work on just as you could stand to work on trust.”
“That’s fair. I’m going to work on remembering what matters, too. Keeping that work-life balance. Hanging on to the moments which become memories.”
She smiles then and I feel a moment’s hope that maybe she’ll reconsider leaving.
It’s short-lived. One step forward from me and two steps back from her.
“You should, Theo. If nothing else, your children are worth it. Our child will be worth it. But our current arrangement isn’t acceptable to me anymore. I need to consider my options.”
“Options?”
She draws herself up straighter and looks me in the eye. “I’m going to take the substitute post at the school for the remainder of the semester. I miss teaching and I think it would be good for me to do something that’s… mine.”
“I get that. You’ll be great at it but I wish you weren’t going to leave.”
“I’ll still be here getting the kids ready for school and bringing them home every afternoon. If one of them is sick, your mother has already offered to help out anytime.”
“You won’t stay though? I’m still not even allowed to tell you how I feel about you?”
“No,” she whispers, sadly.
“Why?” I ask, every bit as heartbroken as she sounds.
“Because you’d say something and then you’d touch me and then I’d be lost in you again.”
“I like being lost in you, sweetheart.”
She stifles a sob. “Me, too. Even now, it’s killing me to keep this distance from you.”
“Me, too.” I feel like I’ll die if I don’t touch her. There has to be some way to-
“I’m sorry but I can’t stay here as your kids’ nanny and keep competing with a ghost.”
“You’re not competing with a ghost,” I say, confused.
She looks at Kathy’s picture again and asks, “Are you sure about that?” before picking up her luggage and walking away.
∞∞∞
That night, I’m hiding out in my office after the children are in bed. They didn’t quite understand and I didn’t have the heart to explain it more thoroughly. They think Ms. Quinn is just visiting Isa for a night or two.
Marilyn gets it though. She’s been at my side ever since Quinn left after Jill was tucked in, big doggy eyes mournful and questioning. “I know, girl,” I say, patting her head.
I wonder if Isa’s allowed pets at her place. Quinn needs Marilyn. She’s admitted the dog has helped her handle her anxiety issues better. She’s bound to be feeling so many things right now. But then, if I send Marilyn to Quinn, that means taking the dog away from the kids who adore her.
“We all belong together,” I tell the dog. She lays her head on my knee. “See, you agree, don’t you?”
If she’ll give me the chance to make things right, I’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy and always show her she’s cherished.
I’m still nursing my scotch and my regrets but I’ve already started plotting my first move when my phone rings around ten. I’ve been waiting for this call. And the scotch has helped me brace for it.
“TheodoreMichaelWolfe.”
There’s this way she says my full name when she’s pissed that no one else can duplicate. Even at thirty-eight, a slight tremble still passes through me knowing I’m in deep shit. “Hi, Mom. You should come over so Oliver and Jonathan can settle their bet.”