“Okay then. About time you listen to me.”
I chuckle and clap his shoulder in a one-armed hug. “Yeah, it’s about time someone does, Grayson.”
∞∞∞
Roughly four hours later, I’m home to a nearly empty house.
Quinn sent me a text during my flight but it was only to inform me that Jill was feeling better and had been sent to school this morning. That’s probably best. I can talk to her without fear of the children walking in.
I drop my bag on my bed and notice Kathy’s picture is back again. Twice I’ve put it away and twice it’s returned. Who keeps doing that?
I turn, intent on going to find Quinn upstairs but she finds me first. Standing in my doorway, her eyes drop to the picture frame before lifting to my face.
She’s pale and her eyes have circles under them. I need to hold her. I need to take care of her. My beautiful woman, she’s going to be a mother. She’s having my baby and, like a sledgehammer, it hits me how much I want that. Maybe I hadn’t allowed myself to consider the possibility before but, now that it’s happening, I want nothing more. And, I want it with Quinn.
My heart starts racing as I take a step towards her.
She takes a step back. It’s like ice water being thrown in my face.
“You’re here,” she states, quietly.
“I am. I shouldn’t have left last night.”
“What about Memphis?”
“Grayson’s in Memphis. Memphis isn’t what matters most. How are you? How are you feeling? Quinn, I’m-”
“I was going to call you. I didn’t think you’d be back before I finished.”
For the first time, I notice the luggage sitting in the hall behind her. “You’re leaving us?” I manage to croak. How many nannies have quit on me? I couldn’t tell you. All of them together didn’t matter a fraction of what Quinn does. Quinn stopped being just ‘the nanny’ months ago.
“I’m not quitting. I’ll be here for the kids as needed Monday through Friday. I know the original post was for a live-in nanny but Jill and Ryder aren’t so little that they really need me overnight so I hope that’s acceptable to you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m moving to Isa’s. I’ll go there once they’re settled in the evenings and you’re available for them. I’ll not be here on weekends unless there’s a specific need for me. I’m taking my things over there now so the kids won’t have to watch me pack. I’ll be back after I pick them up from school.”
I’m utterly flattened by her revelation. She’s not quitting a job. No, this hurts much more. “So, it’s me you’re leaving?”
She grimaces and looks at her luggage. “I think I have to. I can’t be with you if you don’t want the same things I do.”
The fucking ache in my chest is agony. And, it’s my fault. “No, you don’t have to. Quinn, please don’t do this.” I move towards her again and again, she steps back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I said and how I reacted last night. I was surprised but I’m not-”
She holds up a hand to halt my progress towards her and to silence me. “Theo, youhurtme.”
The raw pain in her voice tears my heart to pieces. “I know I did. I was such an asshole saying what I did. I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. Please, give me a chance to explain and make it-”
“You don’t have to explain. I remember what you said Nadine tried and I know it’s hard to trust sometimes. But I’m not her.”
“No, you’re not, not at all.” I try again to move closer. And again, she steps away.Fuck.
“I can’t do this, Theo. I can’t go on being your nanny and the…” Her face scrunches up as if she’s going to start crying but she masters it. “…the woman you’re sleeping with. Things have changed for me.”
“Of course, they have. Quinn, I hadn’t thought much about having another baby but I promise you I’ll take care of you and the baby every step of the way. I love-”
“Please, don’t!” she gasps, cutting my admittance short. “Don’t say it now just because you feel guilty or you think it’s your duty or whatever.”
“It’s not that!” I swear, growing desperate. I love her. Why won’t she let me say it? “This isn’t duty or guilt. I should’ve said it sooner. Since Mexico, I’ve known how I felt for certain. Maybe even earlier. Quinn, we can work through this. Don’t run away again.”