Margaret’s hands come up to cover a very un-Margaret-like squeal. “Okay, okay. Talk to Theo when he gets home. You go see Jill and… okay.”
Then, she hugs me tightly and I crumble like an old cookie. My mom is gone and so is my grandmother now. This is a Mom Hug and I needed one so badly today. I’ve needed one for a while. “I’m not saying anything,” I tell her, tears running down my cheeks.
“No, I don’t know a thing,” Margaret says, stroking my hair.
“I’m scared.”
“I know.”
“But happy.”
“A baby, so wonderful.”
“I didn’t say it.”
“Not a word. It’s going to be okay.”
Will it? I want to believe she’s right.
∞∞∞
When I get home from picking up Ryder at school, Theo’s already there. Jill says her daddy came to visit with her in her room and that her grandma just left. Margaret and I had done more ‘not saying it’ over the course of the afternoon which had helped my nerves immensely. She seems confident he’ll be happy.“Once he gets past the surprise.”
Ryder is in good spirits and eager to take Marilyn outdoors for a quick romp. So far, he’s shown no signs of having caught Jill’s virus. Once I’m sure Jill’s content with a coloring book and not feverish, I go find Theo. He’s packing.
“You’re leaving?” I ask, feeling very disappointed at the thought of him leaving tonight. Kathy’s picture is gone from his bedside again. I’m not sure what it means. Or what I mean to him.
He looks over his shoulder and there’s something justoffabout it. “Yeah, flight to Memphis. Managed to get the jet lined up.”
“How soon?”
“Now. Dan’s waiting on me in the driveway.”
“Now?” I repeat, dismayed.
“They’re our second largest satellite in the southeast and the office down there currently resembles a war zone. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries. I’ll stay a night or two and be back later this week.”
“Well, great.” I can’t keep the frustration out of my voice.
“What, Quinn?” he snaps in response to my tone. “I certainly didn’t want this to happen.”
Histone doesn’t exactly help the frustration I’m feeling. “I know that. I just needed to talk to you tonight. It’s important.”
“I was here all weekend,” he grumbles, tossing a t-shirt into his bag.
Guilt bubbles up. “I know,” I say softly. “I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.”
He turns to face me, crossing his arms over his chest. “Okay, at least you admit you were keeping it from me. Why? Am I that difficult to deal with?”
Oh shit. Heknows. Panic flares but-
Wait, how does he know? Did Margaret tell him? I can’t believe she’d do that. I thought she understood I wanted to tell him first. But she’s his mom, not mine. Maybe she couldn’t help it and blurted it out.
“No. I didn’t want to keep it from you. I just wanted to be sure first.”
“And you’re sure now? You’re doing this?”
I nod and he sighs, looking defeated, and it hits me like a runaway train. He said ‘you’redoing this.’ Not ‘we’re.’ This is really not the news he wanted to hear, is it? Oh my God. He doesn’t want me to keep it. I feel the panic swirling. I’m not getting rid of my baby.