"Sorry," he said, eyeing me carefully. "You weren't answering your phone, or the text messages, and I got worried. So I thought I would check to see if you were here."
"Here I am," I told him as I continued folding the clothes. "I just haven't been up to dealing with my phone yet today. Wanted to get ahead on my homework before I got distracted."
His expression brightened, and he tilted his head. "So you were going to answer us later?"
"I don't know what I'm gonna do," I admitted. "It's the hardest part of this, Coop. I trusted you guys. I trusted you with everything. And now I'm sitting here wondering why. And then I hate myself for wondering why, because you guys are my friends. But if you are my friends, why would you do those things?"
It all spilled out of me in a rush, and I had to blink rapidly to keep the tears from pooling. I wasn't going to cry. I needed to find a way to deal with this that didn't involve yelling, screaming, or crying. Though all three sounded pretty good right now.
"I don't know how to fix it either," Coop admitted. "I just know that I want to. We were wrong. I don't know how else to tell you we were wrong. Did we want to protect you? Yes."
I stared at him and shook my head. "Isn't that what got us into trouble in the first place?"
"Because we told people they couldn't date you?"
"Because you wanted to ‘protect me,' wasn't that what you said?"
"Yes, that is exactly what we said. Frankie, I can't apologize for wanting to protect you. I won’t. I mean, I've been here, I've seen some of the crap that went down. I know that you don't talk about it, and you don't ever want to talk about it. But I know how lonely you get. I know the crap your mom has done."
I held up a hand. And narrowed my eyes. Coop blew out a breath and backed up a step. Discussing my mother and that part of my past was truly off-limits. I know the guys didn't understand, but she was my mom. Some days, I didn't even know if I liked her, but she was still my mom.
"Let's keep this about us," I said slowly. "The only part about my mom is the part where she is seeing Archie's dad." I really needed to find a new way to think about that. "You know what, I'm not even going to call it my mom seeing Archie's dad. I want to call it bad meatloaf."
He raised his eyebrows and stared at me. "Bad meatloaf?"
"Yes, bad meatloaf. You know how it sits in your stomach like a rock, and it's dry, and tastes like ass, but you still have to eat it because it's the bad meatloaf that's for dinner, and you don't get to eat anything else?"
"Yeah, and I avoid that like the plague if I can," Coop said, a small smile forming on his lips. “That’s what cereal for dinner is for.”
I shrugged. "So that whole thing is bad meatloaf." That way, I didn't have to say my mom and Archie's dad so much or ever again, if at all possible.
"So, we didn't tell you about bad meatloaf," Coop said slowly, and for a moment, his lips twitched. And I have to admit, so did mine. "I can't change that now. I can honestly say that knowing what I know now that I wouldn’t go back and tell you anyway. You're right, Frankie, she is your mom. How am I supposed to tell you something like that?"
The hell of it was, I didn't know. "I don't even know if I would've believed you guys if youhadtold me." For a moment, his shoulders sagged.
"I don't know if you would have believed us either. I know that you would hate to have heard it from us. You don't like telling us the bad stuff, I can imagine you don’t want to hear it either."
I dropped the shirt I was folding into the basket and reached for the next one — it was Archie's — and Coop’s eyes narrowed on it as I folded it. The flare of his nostrils told me the moment he noticed Jake's boxer shorts. Course, he might not have pinned them for Jake, but they were boxers, and I didn't own any except for an old faded pair of his.
I didn't comment on the clothing, and neither did he. I just kept folding.
“I don't know what I want to do," I told him again. "Everything just seems off. I’m supposed to go out with Jake later. Or maybe Jake was supposed to come over here." Oh God, that would be even worse, if Jake was here while my mom was here.
"I know, he's really hoping you don't back out."
I laughed a little, and then I blew out a breath. Because for a split second there, I thought about asking Coop to let Jake know I didn't want to go out. Not until I knew how I really felt.
But I wasn't my mother. If I was gonna let one of these guys down or tell them I wasn't going out with them, they were going to hear it from me.
"What are you thinking?"
"Thinking I'm a little messed up. And that I miss my best friends. I don't know how to make this so I can trust you guys again."
"Have you ever thought that maybe what we need is time?"
"Well, we have some of that," I told him. "The college applications are due, and Homecoming is around the corner, and you guys have my schedule all partitioned up for dates and I don't know whether I'm coming or going, and then there's the bad meatloaf."
"That meatloaf we could just throw out," Coop said flatly. "As for the rest of it, if you need time, you tell us you need time. Justdon'tstop talking to us." Then he took a step forward, and when I didn't withdraw or make any motion for him to stay back, he came all the way up to me.