My stomach sank. “I don’t think you expect anything. I’ll be honest, I don’t think any of you do. No one has made me do anything I didn’t want, Ian.”
His expression tensed.
“But that’s the problem, isn’t it?” I wanted them, too. “Because I want to date all of you.”
“It’s not a problem.” That was another lie. One he couldn’t even meet my gaze to say. Scrubbing his hands against his face, he groaned. “Frankie…where do you see this going? All of us?”
“At the moment?”
“Now? A month from now? Six months from now?”
“I don’t know.” It was the truth. “You guys are my best friends. I don’t want to lose any of you.”
“I know you don’t, Angel. Trust me, I’m not going anywhere but…”
That horrible word.
“But I think that maybe we need to slow this down. I’ll still take you to Homecoming. Still do that right, and if you want to keep having whatever with the guys, that’s okay, cause that’s your call. But I think you and me, we need to maybe step it back a little.”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“God no, I think it’s me,” he admitted. “I think I worry about you too much.” He tucked a finger under my chin. Yet, despite his smile, the sinking feeling didn’t go away. “I never want to hurt you. I never want you to feel like you have to make a choice between me and the guys, or us and anything. You’ve got so much on your plate. I’m just going to lighten the load a little.”
This felt an awful lot like he was breaking up with me.
“Rachel was right, you need a friend. Maybe more than you need yet another boyfriend, and… you know Jake and Archie. They want everything, and they’re going to kill themselves to make sure you get it. I meant it when I said this isn’t about you, I promise. I just need to figure some things out.”
But not him.
My eyes burned. “Maybe we could all slow down then…if it means you won’t… you won’t go.”
“I just said I’m not going anywhere. We’ll do Homecoming, I’m going to do that right for you. We’ll see where it goes from there, okay?” He tried for another smile. “Maybe if I back off some, Sharon will leave you alone, and it will get some of the others to shut up. Win win. Keep you safe, and it’s not like you’re not going to see me. Still need to get through calculus, and who else is going to listen to me put together my audition tape?”
The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow. Lifting my hand to his cheek, I leaned forward and kissed him. I didn’t have the words to tell him I didn’t want him to back off, not ones that didn’t sound selfish or greedy. He was telling me what he needed, but then he kept saying he was doing it for me.
At first, he stilled against my lips, then he cradled my face and deepened the kiss. A long, slow brush of his tongue against mine sent a tangle of feeling through me, until he finally leaned his head back. “I’ll see you later. Tell Coop that you have to like the dress, not just him, okay?” Then another light kiss, and he was gone. Up and moving as he left the apartment.
There were startled voices in the other room—more than one angry—then the back door closed with a solid thump. I sat there trying to piece together what just happened.
“Don’t worry about him,” Jake said as he appeared in the room. He grabbed his clothes and dressed hurriedly. “I’m going to talk to him.” Pausing a beat, he eyed me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m—yeah, I’m fine.” It was a lie, but I wasn’t quite sure how I was. “Don’t—don’t make him feel bad.”
“Frankie, Bubba’s just got a bee up his ass. He cares about you.”
“I know, but don’t make him feel bad. If he can’t do this with me dating everyone, then he can’t.” Which meant maybe I shouldn’t be. “I told you I wasn’t sure how this was going to work. I don’t want you guys to fight.”
“Sometimes, we need to have our heads knocked together.” He crouched in front of me. “You going to be okay while I go track him down and see what’s going on with him?”
I got my shit together, I had big girl panties. I could put them on. “I’ll be fine. I gotta work.” With a little shrug, I touched his cheek. “Homework and stuff…then dress shopping tonight.”
It was the absolute last thing I wanted to do.
The. Absolute. Last.
“Get something pretty, course, you’re going to be a knockout in anything.” He gave me a quick kiss. “I’ll see you at Mason’s later, I’ll drag Bubba in. Everything will be great. You’ll see.”
Then he was out, and it wasn’t long before the backdoor thudded closed behind him. I stood up and glanced around the disheveled room. The television still needed to go back and the couch cushions. Needing to move, I made the bed.