23
Jeanne
"I didn’t have a choice. What did you expect me to do? Say that I wasn’t going to take on the lead role?" Olivia shoves the clothes she was wearing during the rehearsal into her bag. "Do you know how rare it is for the understudy to open the premiere of a musical?"
"It’s rare, but it’s known to happen. Jeremy Kushnier went on as Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar when Josh Young was sick for a couple of weeks," Penny offers.
The three of us are in the changing room of the theatre. After Olivia accepted the role, Lily-Willy offered me the role of the understudy. What was I going to do? Turn him down? I’d been tempted to, make no mistake, but that would have meant passing up on an opportunity of a lifetime, and no way could I do that.
"How do you know that?" Both Olivia and I turn to stare at her.
"Just like to remember random things that serve me no good purpose." She raises a shoulder. "At least it stopped the two of you from squabbling."
"It’s a good comparison though." I whirl back on Olivia. "You’re acting like a Judas."
Olivia straightens. She places her backpack on the bench, then turns on me. "That’s not fair. It’s not my fault that you were replaced as the lead, and you knew that was a distinct possibility going into the role. If something went wrong—"
"Nothing should have gone wrong. And it wasn’t my fault that it did."
"I know," she wrings her fingers, "but I couldn’t say no. You know that. It’s a big opportunity for me."
"It was a big opportunity for me, too." I hunch my shoulders. "You’re right. This is my fault. I should have been more careful walking home from the bus. I should have chosen to spend money I didn’t have because this gig doesn’t pay enough to stay in a safer part of town. I probably should have been dressed differently, too, right? I was asking for it. If I actually cared about this part, I would have never allowed myself to be kidnapped!"
A pressure builds at the back of my eyeballs.No, no, I am not going to cry. A thick lump of regret lodges in my throat. I can’t stop the tears that squeeze out of the corners of my eyes.
"Oh sweetie." Penny throws her arms around me. Her gentleness is the last straw. To my horror, I feel the emotions well up inside me. I try to swallow down the tears, but there’s too much going on inside of me. The culmination of everything I’ve been through in the last few days crowds in. I squeeze my eyes shut and cling to Penny. Then, another pair of arms comes around me. Olivia hugs both of us. We stay there for a few seconds. The silent tears keep flowing down my cheeks as my shoulders shake. Penny sniffles. Olivia chokes a little.
"Sorry you guys. I didn’t mean to break down like this."
"You’re entitled, babe," says Penny. “You realize this isn’t your fault, right?”
I nod stiffly. Penny, or maybe it’s Olivia, runs soothing circles over my back. I soak in the love that pours from both of them. It’s always been like this. Since we met at drama school in LA, we’ve been inseparable. We’ve always had each other’s back until… Now?
I pull away and they both release me.
"Better?" Penny stares between my eyes.
I sniff again.
Olivia reaches into her bag and pulls out a tissue. "Here," she murmurs.
I take it from her without meeting her eyes and blow my nose. Then I ball the tissue and fling it in the direction of the overflowing basket in a corner of the room and miss. Just my luck. The tears threaten again, and I grab my bottle of water and drink from it. When I lower it, both women are still watching me.
"I’m fine," I declare.
"I’m really sorry," Olivia says in a soft voice. "I wish it weren’t you that I’m replacing." For a hard-nosed actress, she has a caring side, which she reveals only on occasion. And normally, only with Penny and me.
"It sucks." I half smile. "But if anyone were to replace me, I’d rather it be you."
"I know you’re upset—"
"I was. I mean, I still am. But I know you did the right thing. I’m glad you accepted the role."
"Are you saying that just to make me feel better? Because honestly, I know I did a bitchy thing by accepting the role—"
"You had no choice. It’s the done thing. I couldn’t very well have expected you to turn it down."
"I should have. There’s still time. Maybe if we go explain what happened to you." Olivia glances at the doorway, then takes a step toward it.