"But?"
"But now, when you give me the choice to leave, I find I can't."
Something hot flickers in his eyes, then recedes.
"You must think I’m pathetic." I shake my hair back from my face. "I can’t even make up my mind what I want from you."
He stares at me steadily.
I’ve never been able to stand silence, so my mouth starts moving, and before I know it, I’m spilling secrets. "I was ten when I stripped my Barbie doll, tied her up, put a patch on her mouth, and had her lay down waiting for Ken to do god-knows-what to her. I didn’t even realize it had anything to do with sex, you know? It was just this yearning, from somewhere deep inside of me. And before you ask, no, I wasn’t abused as a child. It's just... I always sensed this need inside of me, but it took a long time for me to give it a name." I fold my fingers in front of me. "Of course, once I learned to google about my cravings, I realized they had a name. Even then, I couldn’t allow myself to completely accept what I truly craved. I began to haunt BDSM clubs. I lurked around and spied on Dom-sub pairs. I used to be so envious of the subs, of how the Dom was so focused on them, of how they were high from the ministrations of their master."
"Princess," he interjects, "I—"
"No, let me finish." I glance to the side, then back at him. "I did have boyfriends, and while the sex wasn’t bad, it didn’t blow my mind, either. I knew what I was looking for, but I never could acknowledge to myself just how much I needed it. Then I met Fabio and—"
"Don’t talk about other men in front of me," he says through gritted teeth.
A flush of satisfaction coils in my chest. "Jealous?"
"Jealous?" He laughs and the sound is dark. "I am going to hunt down each and every one of the men who ever touched you, and kill them. And as for your ex..." He squeezes his fingers into fists. "If I had my way, I'd slice him from ear-to-ear and grind him into the dirt. Then, I'd throw you down in his blood and fuck you."
Heat blooms low in my belly; my pussy clenches and my toes curl. "How very bloodthirsty of you."
"You have no idea." He bares his teeth. "Are you done talking?"
I nod.
"If you have anything else to say, now would be the time."
"I…" I swallow, "I agree."
His gaze intensifies. "What, exactly, are you agreeing to?"
"For you to be my Dom."
18
Elsa
"Are you sure?"
Why is he asking me that? Why is he giving me a way out? Why can’t he simply take what I’m offering? Why can’t he just dominate me, overpower me, ride over my wishes, and give me what I need? Why can’t he satisfy the ache that crawls in my belly? This emptiness that has been inside me for so long, that has grown over the months and the years, until I can barely feel myself anymore.
"Princess?" He notches his knuckles under my chin and lifts up my head. "What do you say?"
I squeeze my eyes shut and draw in a breath. Then, "Yes," I nod, "yes."
The breath rushes out of him. His muscles seem to relax. Eh? Had he actually thought I would decline his offer? How could I? How could I walk away from him? The fact he gave me a way out only confirms to me I’ve made the right choice… Did he do it knowing he had a better chance of getting me to agree if he put the power back in my hands? Had he told me I could leave, knowing I wouldn’t? Had he left the decision to me, knowing I would stay, and this time, it would be of my own volition, thus effectively, handing the power back to him, and putting myself at his disposal completely? My head spins. Damn it, I am tying myself in knots.
"You made the right decision, Princess." He reaches for a bottle of grappa and pours a thimble-sized portion into a glass. He places it on the counter. I reach for it and he clicks his tongue. "Did I give you permission to touch it yet."
I shake my head.
"Say it."
"You didn’t give me permission to touch it yet."
He glares at me, and my breathing grows ragged. The pulse at the base of my throat flutters.