"Only because every time I watch you with her, I can see how much she means to you, how much you’d give up to be with her."
"When I first gave birth to her, I was depressed. No one tells you how hard it is to take care of a child. Nothing prepares you for how the child takes over your life completely. And my ex, let’s just say, he wasn’t very understanding." She swallows. "He told me it was my problem, and I had to handle it on my own."
"Thatfiglio di puttana." Anger flushes my skin. No wonder she’s so nervous every time Avery does something wrong. She’s afraid I’ll yell at her, or worse. I clench my fists by my sides, and by god, if I had any doubts about what I was going to do to thatpezzo di merda, afterwhat she’s just told me, it has convinced me not to hold back.
She glances past me, through the crack in the door, to make sure Avery’s asleep. Then, she turns and walks over to the window and glances out.
"Those months were rough. My mother helped me with Avery, but it wasn't enough. I felt so trapped, like it was the end of my life, my identity. The fact that I could no longer move around freely, or pursue my career as a pianist... I couldn’t see any help in sight. I knew what I needed to do was see a Dom. Someone in whom I could put my trust and hand over control, at least for a little time. When it felt like everything in my life was going to shit, I felt like I needed that little window of space when I could just forget about my responsibilities. It’s why, at the first chance I got, I slipped off to that underground club. It’s because I couldn’t stop thinking of myself. Because I was so selfish, I didn’t realize how my one move could hurt Avery and put us in this situation."
Her grip around the baby monitor tightens.
"Princess," I wrap my fingers around the nape of her neck, "you didn’t do anything wrong. You were trying to be both a mother and a woman, and that’s understandable."
"No, I made a mistake, I—"
"Listen to me." I squeeze my fingers, and her breath hitches. I apply enough pressure so she has to turn her head to face me. "You made only one mistake."
Her color fades. "I did?"
I nod. "You allowed someone else to touch you before I met you. You married someone else before I could put a ring on your finger. You searched for some other man to become your Dom, when you should have waited for me."
42
Elsa
"Did you… did you just say what I think you did?" I stare at him.
"I never say something unless I mean it." His thumb presses down on the pulse that beats at the hollow of my throat.
"I… " I try to form the words, but it’s like my brain cells have all fused together. How can he be so presumptuous? How can he assume that I should’ve saved myself for him? How can he say I should’ve waited for him to become my Dom? How can he… expect that I wouldn’t have married anyone else and waited for him to come along? And yet, the fact that he thinks this, and with such authority, only reinforces his power over me. His possessiveness, the way he clasped—is still clasping—his fingers around the nape of my neck like he owns me, only adds more intensity to his words.
"Seb," I swallow, "sometimes I don’t know what to make of you. You barge into my life, turn it upside down and then you… you…"
"Tell you the truth."
I glance away. That’s the issue here. The fact that I can’t disagree with him. That every part of me wishes I had waited for him. That I had heeded my mother’s words and not rushed to marry Fabio… But he’d swept me off my feet, and when he’d asked me to marry him, I got carried away. Then I got pregnant with Avery.And if I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t have Avery. And I wouldn’t have moved to Palermo and met Seb, either.
"Admit it, Princess." He applies just enough pressure on the nape of my neck that I raise my gaze to his. "Tell me I’m right." His golden-brown eyes flare with that intensity I’m coming to associate with him. It’s like he’s gathered all of the emotions he holds inside of himself, twisted them into a knot, and lodged it behind his eyes. And now, I can see it, sense it… smell the frustration that coats his features. "Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to kill that motherfucker for putting his hands on you? Every time I think about him holding you, touching you… Kissing you." His gaze drops to my mouth and stays there. "I want to fuck you and keep fucking you, until the only thing you can see, hear, taste, touch, smell is me… Only me."
My breath hitches.
"I don’t want to stop until you’re mine."
"But I am yours," I whisper. "Since the first time I set eyes on you, there has been no one else but you."
"And yet, you didn’t trust me to take care of your daughter?"
"I…" I bite the inside of my cheek. "I’m sorry."
"Do you know what I would give for that little girl in there to be mine?"
"She is… She is yours," I say in a low voice.
"I don’t think I heard you," he says in a hard voice.
"She is yours, Seb. So am I." I tip up my chin. "I made some bad decisions. I made choices I’m not proud of, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have Avery, and because of that, I can’t regret everything. I’d give anything for her to be yours by blood, but spiritually, it’s clear you're connected."
His jaw tics.