I’m not, but I will be. "Yeah," I nod without turning to glance at him.
"It’s okay to be nervous," this from Massimo who flanks my other side.
Yep, the Sovranos had turned out in full force to support me on the day of reckoning, aka, my wedding. My bloody wedding, in a bloody church
My ma had insisted on going to Mass every Sunday. She may have tried to leave her Mafia roots behind, but her faith in the One Above had never been shaken. It’s why, after she died, I never went back. What was the use of believing in God when he had basically decided that your life was going to be a shit show and no matter how much you prayed, it was going to stay a shit show? What explanation could there be for how my mother’s life had turned out? When I had dared to point that out to her, she had cuffed me on the head and told me never to repeat those blasphemous words again. So instead, I have decided to enter this marriage under false pretenses and have the lie blessed by Him. Well, why not? I’ve committed enough crimes, so what’s adding one more to the mix, eh?
"Axel," Massimo’s voice prompts me, "you sure you’re okay?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I run a finger around the collar of my button-down shirt. At least I hadn't been guilted into wearing a tie. I blow out a breath, then roll my neck, trying to work out some of the tension in my shoulders.
"It will be over all too soon," Seb reassures me.
"Then all you have to do is contend with the ol’ ball and chain for the rest of your life," Luca drawls.
"Shut the fuck up, Luca," Seb snaps.
"Not saying anything that the rest of us aren’t thinking," Luca chortles.
"The fuck are you doing?" Adrian admonishes him, "Man’s already nervous—"
"I am not nervous."
"Okay, man’s not nervous but he can’t help sweating, even though it’s freezing right now in church and—"
I turn on Adrian, who raises both hands, "Sorry,fratellino, just trying to lighten the atmosphere."
"Well, don’t," I growl, then turn back to my perusal of the goddam window. Tell me again, why the hell did I agree to this? Oh, yeah, because it’s the only way to put my plan in motion—to get revenge on the Sovranos, once and for all. And if, during that process, she gets hurt… Well, too bad. There’s always collateral damage, after all. Wasn’t I the collateral damage in the tussle between my mother and the Sovrano family, after all. And if they hadn’t let her go, if my father had been a better man, if my Nonna had intervened, my mother might still be alive today. But she’s gone, and I am here, and I am finally going to get my revenge for her death.
"One tip for you," Seb leans close.
"Not interested," I snap.
"Oh, I think you should listen to this one," Massimo cautions.
"It’s about the kiss," Seb adds.
"Kiss?" I shoot him a sideways glance. Like the others, he’s dressed in a black suit, with a bowtie and hair slicked back. Together, they look like the quintessential Mafia clan, the kind you’d see in movies. Only, this is my life and I need every bit of focus I can muster. "You were saying?" I murmur as I take in the slight bulge at his hip under his jacket. Yep, they are all packing, except me. Not that I’ve had access to one. Not that I had asked. Michael had offered and I had turned it down. I wanted nothing to distract from the wedding and I wanted all of them to be lulled into a state of complacency.
"The priests here don’t like more than a chaste peck on the cheek after the wedding."
"Eh?" I scowl.
"But don’t let that stop you from kissing the bride."
"Thanks for the fucking tip," I glower at him.
"You’re welcome." He smirks.
I roll my shoulders, and this time, Massimo slaps me on the back. "Relax, Champ, you’ve got this."
Right.
On the pews, people shuffle their feet, someone coughs, a baby cries out and is shushed.
"Think Nonna forgot to invite anyone?" I ask.
"Nope," Seb chuckles, "it’s tradition. Whenever a Sovrano gets married, everyone turns out. Somehow, Michael managed to get away with a low-key wedding. Since then, she’s sworn that each time one of us gets married she is going to make sure it’s a bigger wedding than the last.”