"Not my fault," Sara tosses her head. "Every time I wanted to come home, you encouraged me to stay on at university, to take on a few more credits, to study as much as possible."
"I know." I shuffle my feet. "I must have come across as so callous to you, right? Pushing you so hard."
"You meant well." Her tone softens, "I understand why you’re so keen for me to ace my university results."
"If you do, you’ll be able to find a job in a company... Maybe in a city like London. And you could be completely independent, away from the influence of theCosa Nostra."
"You want me away from theCosa Nostra,yet you are marrying into the clan?" she murmurs.
I draw in a breath. How do I explain it? "From the moment I saw Xander, I felt sure I was going to marry him. Then when he died I... I thought my world was coming to an end; until Axel stepped in front of me and took a bullet for me—"
"Hold on, someone shot at you?" She exclaims.
I shuffle my feet, "I don't think the bullet was intended for me, anyway." I shake my head, "The point is, as soon as I saw him, I had this inexplicable reaction to him. I felt an immediate connection, as if he were the piece I’d been missing all along.”
"But—" she begins to say and I hold up my hand.
"I know. Axel is not Xander. The more I get to know Axel, the more it's clear how different they are as people. And yet," I lock my fingers, "yet I can't get it out of my head that this is my chance at happiness. I never took the initiative with Xander and I don't want to make the same mistake with Axel. I feel like I have been given a second chance and I don't want to waste it."
"Haven’t you thought, it's because Axel looks like Xander that you should, maybe, walk away from him? That you may be marrying him for all the wrong reasons?"
I stare at her, "Are you only twenty-one?"
She chuckles, "I sound like an old woman, right?"
"No," I shake my head, "you are right, though. Those are all valid questions I have asked myself, but each time, I arrive at the same answer. That I want to marry Axel. I want to be with him. Maybe it's him I am attracted too. Maybe it has nothing to do with the fact that he looks like Xander. I saw Axel and it was like colpo de fulmine.” A bolt of lightning.I bite the inside of my cheek. "It wasn't like that with Xander.Oh, I thought it was, but what I felt for Xander pales in comparison to what I feel for Axel." I pull my hair up off of my shoulders. "Either way, fact is, I don't have a choice. This, theCosa Nostraand Axel, are my future. You, on the other hand, don't have anything or anyone holding you back."
I take her hand in mine.
"You are starting with a clean slate and I want you to see the world first. To discover what's out there and decide for yourself what kind of a future you want. If, after that, you decide that you want to return to Palermo and settle down here, that's fine. But I want to make sure that you have the options I never did, know what I mean?"
"Oh, T," Sara squeeze my hand, "you are incredible. I am so lucky to have a sister like you."
I blink rapidly, "I can't believe you are all grown up and about to graduate from university."
"Just because I color my hair blue doesn’t mean that I am still a kid."
"I know." I laugh and tug on a strand of her hair, "It suits you. It’s quite striking, actually."
"Right?" She shakes the hair back from her face, "I figured I'd throw caution to the wind for once."
"As long as it doesn’t interfere with your campus placements," I warn her.
"Oh, please, they look at my grades and my IQ and acumen, not to mention, the way I get algorithms to bend to my will."
"I know you are a math whiz," I murmur. "Half the time, I don’t know what kinds of problems you are solving in your head or how you manage to see those numbers and discern patterns among them."
"It’s easy, really. All you have to do is take a step back and absorb the entirety of the problem that they pose to you. Then, you have to listen to what they are trying to tell you and—”
"Stop," I raise my hand, "it’s all Greek to me."
"It’s algebra, actually," she offers.
"That, too," I laugh. "I don’t know how the two of us could be so different. Me, the straight-laced one who loves flowers and the way they allow me to express my creativity, and you, the talkative nerd with the old soul who can bounce into a room and own it, not to mention, ride roughshod over numbers."
"Jeez, that was almost erotic."
"Shut up." I slap her shoulder.